The ultimate guide to emotional intelligence in the workplace and beyond

If you’ve ever seen an episode of Suits and admired Donna’s uncanny ability to intuit her colleagues’ emotions, needs, and motivations—far better than they could do for themselves—you know emotional intelligence matters. In fact, it’s mission-critical. Hone it right and it might just build some momentum that advances your career. It launched Donna from legal secretary to COO. Just saying.

Here’s what you need to know about emotional intelligence—what it is, why it matters, and how to cultivate it.

What is emotional intelligence (also known as EQ)?

Psychological researchers’ basic definition of emotional intelligence (or EQ, as in “emotional quotient”) is:

The ability to carry out accurate reasoning about emotions, and the ability to use emotions and emotional knowledge to enhance thought.

An emotionally intelligent person can identify, express, manage, and respond to emotions—their own and others’. 

5 key emotional intelligence skills and traits

Psychologist Daniel Goleman, author of the groundbreaking book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, outlined a number of personality and behavioral traits he uses to evaluate emotional intelligence:

• Self-awareness involves the ability to recognize your own emotions, choices, and actions, as well as their potential effects on others. People with a high degree of self-awareness have a solid understanding of their own emotions, strengths, weaknesses, and drivers. They’re honest with themselves and others and know their values and goals. They’re confident but aware of their limitations, and are willing to speak about themselves in a frank, non-defensive manner.
• Self-regulation refers to the ability to process and express emotions constructively, adapt to changes flexibly, and manage conflict effectively. People who are good at self-regulation are able to manage their emotions so that they don’t control their words and actions. While they feel bad moods and impulses as much as anyone, they don’t rush to action. They tend to be reflective, thoughtful, and comfortable with ambiguity, uncertainty, and change.
• Social skills mean you’re an active listener and a strong communicator who can form high-trust relationships. People with social skills are excellent team players who can move an agenda along and keep focus while also remaining aware of the emotional climate of the group and responding as needed. They’re excellent at making connections, networking, and bringing people together to work on projects.
• Empathy allows you to interpret other people’s emotions and respond in a compassionate and validating way. Having empathy doesn’t mean you’re unwilling or unable to make tough decisions for fear of hurting someone’s feelings. It simply means you’re aware of those feelings and take into consideration the impact of your words and actions. Empathetic people are willing to share their own worries and concerns and openly acknowledge others’ emotions.
• Motivation refers to the drive to pursue your goals, seek out learning experiences, and continue to evolve as a person.

Why is emotional intelligence important at work (and beyond)?

High emotional intelligence in the workplace can set you up to succeed—whether you’re a leader, manager, or individual contributor. Everyone wants to work with people who are easy to get along with, supportive, likable, and trustworthy, and who can keep their composure when things don’t go to plan. Highly emotionally intelligent employees, in other words, contribute to a positive work environment.

Several studies point to just how important EQ can be to success at work. International search firm Egon Zehnder International, for example, analyzed 515 senior executives and discovered that those who were strongest in emotional intelligence were more likely to succeed than those strongest in either IQ (“intelligence quotient”) or relevant previous experience.

Here are a few ways emotional intelligence in the workplace can set you up for success:

You’re more likely to get hired.

It’s not hard to recruit an employee who meets the basic job requirements. But an employee who possesses self-awareness and can form strong, collaborative relationships to propel the company forward with passion and empathy is a rare and powerful find. 

In a 2011 Career Builder Survey of more than 2,600 hiring managers and human resources professionals, 71% stated they valued emotional intelligence in an employee over IQ and 59% claimed they’d pass up a candidate with a high IQ but low emotional intelligence.

According to a more recent analysis from HR Digest, emotional intelligence in the workplace became the most sought-after qualification during the pandemic.

Companies put a premium on emotional intelligence in the workplace because it means employees:

• Can handle pressure healthily: People with higher levels of emotional intelligence are more aware of their internal thermometer and therefore better able to manage emotions and stress levels. They tend to have better-developed coping mechanisms and healthy support systems that work effectively even in tough situations.
• Understand and cooperate with others: Highly emotionally intelligent people have well-developed social skills that let them build relationships with people across cultures and backgrounds.
• Are good listeners: Everyone wants to be heard and understood. The ability to listen well, pick up on people’s emotions, and respond to others is crucial for developing strong working relationships.
• Are more open to feedback: Open, timely, and honest feedback is essential to job performance. People with highly developed emotional intelligence, and self-awareness in particular, are less defensive and more open to feedback, especially when it involves areas of improvement.
• Are empathetic: People with high emotional intelligence can tune into others’ needs and build trust and cohesiveness.
• Set a good example: Highly emotionally intelligent people don’t get easily flustered when things don’t go according to plan. Their knack for getting along with others makes it more likely that others will take note and try to emulate them.
• Make more thoughtful and thorough decisions: Because of their ability to see things clearly from another’s point of view, highly emotionally intelligent people are able to make better judgements about how their decisions will impact others, behave more proactively, and manage damage control when certain decisions lead to negative consequences.

So show off your EQ in job interviews!

It can help you do your job better.

There’s research to prove it. The Carnegie Institute of Technology found that 85% of our financial success was due to skills in “human engineering,” personality, and ability to communicate, negotiate, and lead. Only 15% was due to technical ability.

Research by the respected Center for Creative Leadership (CCL) in the U.S. similarly found that the primary causes of executive derailment involve deficiencies in emotional competence. Each year, CCL serves more than 20,000 individuals and 2,000 organizations, including more than 80 of the Fortune 100 companies. It says the three main reasons for failure are difficulty in handling change, inability to work well in a team, and poor interpersonal relations.

Nobel Prize winning Israeli-American psychologist Daniel Kahneman has found that people would rather do business with a person they like and trust rather than someone they don’t, even if that person is offering a better product at a lower price.

Consider cosmetics giant L’Oreal, which started to factor emotional intelligence in their hiring process for salespeople. Those who were recruited for their high EQ outsold their peers by over $90,000. On top of that, the high-EQ employees had 63% less turnover than the typically selected sales folk.

And it’s not just salespeople: Another study showed, for example, that after supervisors in a manufacturing plant received training in emotional competencies such as how to listen better, lost-time accidents decreased by 50% and grievances went down from 15 per year to three. The plant itself exceeded productivity goals by $250,000.

You’re more likely to get promoted.

There was a time not too long ago when the person with the most technical knowledge got promoted the fastest. But that’s often no longer the case. Once someone gets promoted, technical skills become less necessary, and interpersonal ones become more critical in their place.

Emotional intelligence in the workplace can open doors for leadership and career advancement. So when you’re gunning for your next promotion, your main objective might be to show your boss you’ve got the emotional intelligence it takes to excel.

You’re more likely to have job satisfaction and less likely to burn out.

Research (like this study) indicates that high emotional intelligence is linked to higher job satisfaction and lower burnout.

Signs you need to work on your emotional intelligence

If having EQ can boost your career, it follows that not having it can hold you back. As cognitive scientist and Fast Company contributor Art Markman put it, “When you lack emotional intelligence, other people often do not want to work with you, to engage with your projects, or to go the extra mile to help you succeed.”

Luckily, Markman shared three red flags that indicate you need to improve emotional intelligence:

You provoke unexpected reactions.

Having emotional intelligence in the workplace means, among other things, that you can anticipate how a decision or situation might make someone feel. If you’re regularly doing or saying things that provoke anger, frustration, hurt feelings, or other negative reactions you didn’t expect, take it as a warning sign that you need to work on improving emotional intelligence for the sake of future interactions.

You don’t get the help or approvals you need.

In order to get colleagues, decision-makers, and other stakeholders on board—for a new initiative you’d like to launch or a new strategy you’re proposing—you need to understand and speak to their goals in an emotionally intelligent way. “When you find that you are consistently rebuffed in your efforts to try something new, that’s a good sign that you have not created allies,” Markman wrote. And to create those allies, you need emotional intelligence.

You’re passed over for promotions and other opportunities.

There are so many reasons you might not get that promotion or plum assignment you had your eye on. In some cases, a lack of self-awareness, social skills, or emotional intelligence more broadly might play a role. “You may get feedback that people are hesitant to work with you, that they have concerns about how well you get along with others, or that they wonder how you will motivate your team,” Markman wrote. “Those are all limitations that training in emotional intelligence can help to fix.”

How to improve emotional intelligence

If the warning signs above sound familiar, you have work to do. Emotional intelligence is something you can develop over time with these practical tips: 

Become more aware of your own emotions.

Work on being self-aware by actively checking in with yourself about how you’re feeling a few times a day. Take a moment to use words to describe your emotional state. This practice helps increase awareness of your feelings and gives you more control. Since emotional intelligence is about a person’s ability to manage their feelings, becoming more aware of them is a crucial first step.

Practice listening (really listening).

Emotional intelligence is about building stronger connections, which we can do by becoming better listeners.

Instead of formulating your response while someone talks, or letting yourself get distracted by notifications, really tune into the person who’s speaking. It’s called active listening, and it’s one of the most crucial skills an employee can have to show and gain respect, avoid and resolve conflicts and misunderstandings, and ensure others feel heard. 

Practice these techniques in every conversation, big and small, virtual or in-person:

• Keep an open body posture and make eye contact.
• Make sure you’re paying attention to nonverbal cues and body language (facial expressions, tone of voice, and gestures). 
• Don’t interrupt.
• Ask relevant, clarifying questions.
• Confirm you understand using phrases like, “What I hear you sharing is…“
• Don’t jump to conclusions or plan out your own rebuttal in advance.
• Check to see if they want advice or input before offering any potential solutions.

Be curious about others.

Have you ever known someone who only talks about themself? You probably wanted to spend as little time with them as possible. People who have high emotional intelligence and good social skills are just the opposite. They show an interest in other people’s lives and make an effort to remember things to bring up in future conversations and make people feel heard and important. 

Psychiatrist Robert Waldinger, who directs the longest study of adult life ever done, says that the happiest and most successful people they encountered were those who were “actively curious” about others. “There’s always room to ask ourselves, ‘What is this person showing me right now that I’ve never noticed before?’” he says. “‘And how could I let them know that I appreciate that?’” 

Give it a try.

Manage your reactions.

Stress is a natural part of any job. There are tasks to finish, quotas to meet, clients to retain, and team dynamics to navigate. Do you shrink or blow up under pressure, or do you keep a level head? 

Regulating your emotions and responses makes it easier and more enjoyable to work with you. To improve this aspect of emotional intelligence, acknowledge what you feel in crisis and other stressful situations but pause to take a few deep, stabilizing breaths or count to 10—find something that works for you and practice when you feel your anger rising.

Ask yourself: What interaction or scenario led to this feeling? How do I want to react right now? Do I need to gather more information or consider another explanation? Is there a healthier way to cope with my feelings or solve this problem?

If you have a moment when you do act impulsively or respond in a way you don’t like, asking these questions in retrospect can help you practice and prepare for another heated moment.

Be open to constructive feedback.

Feedback isn’t always comfortable, but it’s essential for personal and professional growth. When you’re receptive to feedback and willing to do the work to implement it—rather than shutting down or becoming defensive—you strengthen relationships and boost your performance and impact in the workplace.

Try to:

• Build a feedback loop with people you trust to share honest and constructive feedback. 
• Actively listen to feedback, then allow yourself time to process it before responding. 
• Write down all the feedback you get so you can notice patterns and track your progress.
• Thank the people who give you feedback. Remember that it’s often a vulnerable act for them, just as it is for you, especially if you’re in a leadership position and they’re not.

Show genuine empathy.

The best bosses and colleagues aren’t those who just shepherd projects along with ruthless efficiency—they’re the ones who treat their team members as actual people.

In fact, research shows that empathetic work environments are actually more productive. According to Catalyst, a poll of nearly 900 employees revealed that people with highly empathic senior leaders were much more likely than those with less empathic senior leaders to report being innovative (61% vs. 13%) and engaged at work (76% vs. 32%). The same goes for managers.

To practice more empathy at work:

• Be curious and open to learning from other perspectives by intentionally listening when coworkers are offering their opinions. 
• Challenge your biases by interacting with folks outside your normal workplace circle.
• Make inclusive decisions that reflect others’ input and benefit the whole group.
• Ask sincere, non-judgmental questions that help you understand someone else’s experience.
• Validate the emotions of the people around you.
• Enter conversations with humility. Listen and understand rather than focusing on making your point.
• Offer to help a coworker who seems in distress. Pay attention to their emotional state and take initiative to share their load when you can. 

Review and reflect.

Think back on your interactions periodically with emotional intelligence in mind. Consider what went well and what could have gone better. Remember that any progress is a win and will keep you moving in the right direction.

Jessica Thiefels and Drake Baer also contributed writing, reporting, and/or advice to this article.

Related: This emotional intelligence test was so accurate it was creepy