Whether you’re going into a job interview or trying to strike a deal with a new client, negotiating better terms can feel intimidating. While some people are good at asking for more, many are not. For example, recent data from the Pew Research Center found that 60% of U.S. adults don’t ask for higher pay when offered a position.
But even if the person on the other side of the table has the advantage, you still have power in the situation, says Seth Freeman, who teaches conflict management and negotiation at NYU’s Stern School of Business and Columbia University’s School of International and Public Affairs.
“If you feel you’re at a negotiating disadvantage, don’t go into that room yet,” he says. “There are things that have to happen first.”
In his book 15 Tools to Turn the Tide: A Step-by-Step Playbook for Empowered Negotiating, Freeman shares several tools you can use to boost your confidence and your position. These three can be especially helpful if you want to influence but don’t have authority.
1. Three Little Words
The first tool is called “three little words,” which are “interests,” “facts,” and “options.” Start by understanding the other side’s interests; why they want what they want. Next, take time to uncover facts about what’s going on with the other side or within the industry. Factual research can include online searches for news or financials as well as information interviews with others. Then, look beyond the demands to envision creative options, which are solutions that can satisfy both sides.
If you’re going into a job interview, for example, know the going rate for people with similar qualifications. Find out why the company is hiring. Maybe they recently acquired a new client and need to ramp up their staff to serve them. If the salary you’re being offered is the going rate, you could go in ready to ask for a guaranteed bonus if the team meets certain milestones.
“One of the most compelling reasons to use the three little words is that they help you be something that often seems impossible: strong and kind,” says Freeman. “They let you say, in effect, ‘I must fight for my concerns, but I’m happy to do it in a way that serves you well, too. That means you can enhance the relationship, even as you care for your needs.”
2. “I FORESAW IT”
While the three little words can help, Freeman says a more holistic tool is called, “I FORESAW IT.”
“Each letter stands for a question that a skilled negotiator answers before she goes into the room,” he says. “The first three letters are interests, facts, and options. The rest is designed to help you see the situation from other perspectives.”
- “R” stands for rapport, reactions, and responses, so you can set a good tone and prepare for resistance.
- “E” stands for empathy and ethics, which is when you look at the situation from the other person’s perspective and consider potential ethical dilemmas.
- “S” stands for setting and scheduling, which is planning when and where you’ll negotiate, such as finding a neutral place.
- “A” stands for alternatives to agreement, which are choices that you have if you don’t strike a deal.
- “W” stands for identifying who else can influence the outcome.
- “I” stands for independent criteria, such as knowledge from fair and trusted sources.
- “T” stands for topics, targets, and trade-offs, which is a grid that distills your key learning into an at-a-glance format.
Freeman suggests using letters as they are needed. For example, Freeman knew someone who was stuck in a plane on the tarmac for hours when a massive storm paralyzed the airport. At first glance, it may seem like a passenger doesn’t have much power to remedy the situation, however, the person deployed the “W” and found the name of the president of the airline.
“Remarkably, he found the man’s home phone number online and called,” he says. “While the president wasn’t at home, he spoke to his wife and said, ‘Do you know what your husband is doing to me and 150 other passengers right now?’ She was mortified and made a phone call to airport operations, and that one phone call turned the whole thing around.”
3. Checklists
Successful people rely on tools for performing under pressure. Freeman says a powerful tool is a checklist, which helps in a negotiation by providing scaffolding. It’s the “T” in the I FORESAW IT tool. To create a checklist, Freeman suggests creating four columns that include “topics,” “targets,” “trade-offs between topics,” and “trade-offs within topics.”
Topics are an agenda that help you shape what you will and won’t discuss. “One way to survive and thrive when you feel powerless is to change the scope of the negotiation by narrowing or broadening the agenda,” says Freeman.
Targets help you set a range and a first offer, including the best-case scenario as well as when to walk away. In the trade-offs-between-topics column, rank your priorities. Finally, trade-offs-within-topics is how you overcome an impasse by focusing on options.
“Topics is the mold; the part that shapes the rest of the task,” says Freeman. “The Targets column helps you divide it favorably. The last two columns help you expand the pie creatively. Writing a checklist improves your situational awareness, eases your mental burden, and quickly gives you guidance and choices that can improve your results.”
Before Any Negotiation
The key to finding your power in any negotiation is preparation, which eases the negotiating person’s burden, says Freeman.
“Francis Bacon, the famous founder of modern science, wrote the very first essay we know of about negotiating, called ‘Of Negotiating,’” he says. “The very last sentence says, ‘In all negotiations of difficulty, a man may not look to sow and reap at once; but must prepare business, and so ripen it by degrees.’ That turns out to be wisdom that lasts to the current moment.”
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