When bringing your ‘whole self’ to work could be a bad idea

You should never change who you are to fit into a job or company culture. According to an article in Psychology Today, authenticity is linked to self-esteem and can protect against mental illness. But should you reveal all of yourself at the office?

While “bring your whole self to work” is a popular HR talking point, in some cases it could do more harm than good, says Erin Thomas, head of diversity, inclusion, and belonging for the talent marketplace Upwork.

“The original impetus for [bringing your whole self to work] was an invitation for folks to show up authentically,” she says. “That’s ideal and certainly an aspiration. This one-liner talk track has become shorthand throughout the years as a way to try to be inclusive. But as this tagline is being used more and more, there is less and less nuance or context around it, and that’s what concerns me.”

Bringing your whole self to work is like the relationship status “it’s complicated,” says Karina Bernacki, vice president of people at the photo editing platform VSCO. “You want people to show up as the most authentic self that they feel comfortable bringing into the conversation,” she says. “It’s the responsibility of leaders to create an environment where it’s genuinely safe, and that is a hard job.”

Thomas says one thing that gets minimized in the world of diversity, equity, and inclusion work is that employment is a give-and-take relationship that requires both sides to be intentional about forging a union. She suggests that employees and employers slow down and consider all the different ingredients that would make bringing your whole self to work worthwhile and without repercussions.

What employees need to know

Part of deciding how much to share is understanding the types of relationships you want at work, says Thomas. Some people want to keep their personal and professional lives separate, while others may seek true friendships.

“Figure out what you’re actually trying to build and what your own emotional needs are,” she says.

Next, identify which aspects of yourself you’re comfortable sharing. Working from home has been the catalyst for a lot of employees to share more of themselves, but you don’t have to be all in or all out.

“Play with where your edge is,” says Thomas. “You could rehearse coffee chat stories for when you’re breaking the ice in Zoom meetings and other folks are sharing anecdotes about their families. Know your comfort zone and what you feel safe saying without giving away too much.”

If you’re in a marginalized or non-prototypical group, Thomas says you may want to tell your story before others tell it for you. “If they start to fill in the gaps in their understanding of who you are, likely they will do that with more generic, more stereotypical information that is not accurate and may not paint you favorably,” she says.

And realize that some topics should have boundaries around them, such as sharing personal circumstances that aren’t legally protected, says Thomas.

“Unfortunately, we know that in a number of U.S. states, LGBT+ identity is not legally protected,” she says. “You want to be thoughtful about what it is you disclose. That doesn’t mean err on the side of covering up those meaningful aspects. It means going in with eyes wide open around potential risks.”

Bernacki cautions that sharing too much could impact your work-life balance. “In a world where I am now working in my living room or kitchen and my life is happening around me, how do I create enough boundaries and space where I’m still being myself but I’m also keeping a part of myself for that other side of my life?” she asks. “When everything is blending over all the time, it’s really easy to lose yourself.”

The employer’s responsibility

Companies that say they want employees to bring their whole selves to work need a company culture that supports it. Employers need to establish norms of psychological safety in the workplace, so employees can share without fear of retribution or embarrassment. But a policy is not enough, says Thomas.

“It’s another thing to actually have that risk-taking be rewarded, praised, and repeated by others,” she says. “That’s a critical component of companies and leaders, setting the foundation where it’s possible for folks to show up as themselves.”

Bernacki agrees. “Every structure a company designs needs to align with and create space for those behaviors to thrive and grow,” she says. “If you say you value safety for people to bring their whole selves, then those behaviors should be incentivized, so others can feel safe to bring more of themselves to work.”

What or if you share is a personal choice, and Bernacki says there isn’t anything that should be off limits. “I think if there are parts of yourself you want to bring to work and you bring them and your company rejects them, then you should have a real conversation with yourself about whether this is the right company for you,” she says.

Thomas admits in the DEI space, cautioning employees around bring your whole self can feel a “little spicy.” “I’m not at all trying to advocate for folks to hide or conceal or assimilate,” she explains. “It’s about putting that power, autonomy, and agency back in the hands of workers, so that they can make the best decisions for them.”