Market research firm Morning Consult recently released a report titled “A Brand’s Guide to Gen Alpha,” and as a part of Gen Alpha, I think it’s completely ridiculous. This report feeds into the idea I’ve heard from adults that they can sit back and do nothing while Gen Alpha solves the climate crisis they gave us. It makes us seem as if we’re tech wizards and cyborgs who spend our days in virtual reality. So let’s look through the many layers of weirdness in this report.
Right off the bat, Morning Consult defines Gen Alpha as “ages 0 to 9” when, in fact, Gen Alpha is usually defined as people born between 2010 and 2024. Then, throughout the piece, the authors include ages 10-18. Little odd, right?
Some statistics are just poorly presented. Morning Consult continuously uses charts and statistics that make no sense. Like when it says that “most” Gen Alphas own a tablet, but actually means 54%. Or the terrible pie chart on gender identity, where it is says that 63% of Gen Alpha identify as female, 68% as male, and 1% as “not listed.” Not gender-fluid or nonbinary, just “not listed.” Fun Gen Alpha Fact You May Not Know: We understand that pie charts should add up to 100.
Other statistics are just really unbelievable. Like how it says that 7% of parents have already opened a retirement account for their Gen Alpha children. About half of adults don’t even have their own retirement account! I also sincerely doubt 9% of parents of Gen Alpha have a certificate of deposit for their kids. Half of adults aren’t even sure what they are. It seems here that it’s more likely that 8% to 9% of Gen Alpha parents were just messing around and putting in absurd answers for fun.
That’s my assessment on a lot of Morning Consult’s statistics. One part says that 11% of Gen Alpha owns a VR headset, and 17% of this group spend more than seven hours a day in VR. Seven. Hours. Seven hours is more than the average school day. Does this kid have a full-time job in the metaverse? How is this even possible? Do they sleep at all? Fun Gen Alpha Fact You May Not Know: We don’t spend most of our waking hours in virtual reality.
It also says that most parents don’t control their kids’ internet usage, but think they will when they are older. I don’t personally know of any kids 0-9 whose parents have absolutely no control over their “online content usage.” In Morning Consult’s world, it’s 74%. It says 4% of children ages 0-4 spend seven to 10 hours a day online, and that 61% of Alphas spend seven to 13 hours each day online. While a lot of Gen Alphas would like that to be true, I don’t think most of us get that wish. I’ve never heard any parents say “I just toss my phone into her crib and let her do whatever she wants.”
It also tries to prove how brand-conscious Gen Alpha is. Morning Consult came to the conclusion that McDonald’s is the preferred “restaurant” of the youngest generation. I think it’s more likely that saying “I want McDonald’s” means “I want a burger and fries,” not brand loyalty. But who knows? Maybe some 3-year-old is really going “WHAT?! I don’t WANNA go to Burger King! McDonald’s or NOTHING!” Fun Gen Alpha Fact You May Not Know: We don’t really care which fast-food place we are getting french fries from.
All in all, this report is a silly attempt to document Gen Alpha like we’re an alien species. It makes Gen Alpha seem like magical beings from the future who will only take off our VR headsets to go to McDonald’s.
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