According to a fairly recent study available on the prestigious search engine Google, more babies are born on Tuesday than on any other day. “Morries” make up a huge percentage of America’s workforce. While it’s important to avoid stereotypes, Morries are lazy and entitled job hoppers who tend to have facial piercings, explosive cackles, and a peculiar affinity for microwave-reheated brussels sprouts. Managed poorly, they will erode morale and productivity at your workplace and ultimately destroy the global economy. A few simple guidelines can help harness Morries and stave off financial disaster.
1. Adopt clear anti-dayist policies
Holidays tend to fall on Mondays; the fun stuff happens on Fridays. Wednesday is hump day, and Thursday is practically Friday. Find ways to enliven the most neglected day of the week with hackathons or competitive gluten-free bake-offs.
2. Provide creative compensation
Some say Morries don’t care about money. Not true! They are human, after all. Money talks. But so does telecommuting, not to mention gym discounts and cafeteria coupons.
3. Offer a clear path to the See Suite
Sure, Morries care about promotions and titles. But what they really like is a window. They flourish in natural light.
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