Dealing with passive-aggressive behavior in the workplace can be tricky, especially when it shows up in subtle ways like eye-rolling, sarcasm, or quiet disengagement. Many of us have encountered it, but managing it as a leader can feel particularly challenging. How can we address this behavior in a way that maintains a positive workplace and encourages open communication?
As a workplace mediator and manager myself, I’ve seen my fair share of passive-aggressive behaviors. Here are some insights that I’ve gleaned over the past decade that can hopefully help you should you find yourself on the receiving end of such behaviors.
The root causes of passive aggression
Passive aggression often stems from internal struggles or unexpressed frustrations. While each individual is unique, below are some common reasons that people might resort to such behaviors:
- Fear of conflict: Some people find direct confrontation intimidating and resort to indirect expressions of their frustration.
- Difficulty expressing feelings: This may happen if they’ve been in environments that aren’t receptive to open dialogue.
- Low self-esteem: A person struggling with self-confidence may find it hard to assert their needs directly, so instead opt for more subtle ways to express their dissatisfaction.
- Struggle to be assertive: They may simply lack the skills or comfort level to voice their concerns openly and constructively.
I found understanding some of the common causes of the behavior helped me to feel more empathy for the person I was dealing with.
Now, to be clear, having an increased awareness and empathy doesn’t mean excusing the behavior. You still need to address the behavior (particularly if you’re a manager), but it’s vital that you do so from a place of empathy to minimize any negative reaction you may have. That’s because when you react negatively to passive-aggressive behavior, it’s far too easy for the conversation to be about the reaction rather than the original behavior you want to address.
Address it directly, calmly, and quickly
One of the most effective ways to manage passive-aggressive behavior is to address it quickly but gently. Calmly bringing up what you notice can make a huge difference. Try using language that is neutral and focuses on observation rather than accusation. The following phrase might be helpful: “I noticed a slight shift in body language during the meeting earlier. Talk me through what’s going through your mind.”
This type of language gives the person the opportunity to open up about what’s bothering them. It may prompt them to discuss concerns that they might otherwise keep hidden, potentially preventing further passive-aggressive incidents.