Feelings aren’t facts…but they are real. Are there times to show emotion and times to hold it all together for your organization, no matter what is happening around you? Let’s unpack the complicated path of managing emotions from a leadership perspective.
IS BEING IN CONTROL OF OUR EMOTIONS ESSENTIAL TO GOOD LEADERSHIP?
When a crisis happens, a leader needs to steer the ship in the right direction and reassure staff members that things will be okay. A lot can be said for a leader who is stoic and predictable during challenging times, but where does authenticity fit in? Indeed, the old-style leadership of pretending that “all is well” when the ship is sinking has no place in the modern workplace.
Sunny Bonnell and Ashleigh Hansberger believe emotional leaders are the future. In their Fast Company article published last year, they explain why emotional leaders are needed in the new world of work.
“We define ’emotional’ as having a high EQ and great powers of intuition and empathy, all assets for any leader who has to manage people—which is to say, every leader.”
BEING AUTHENTIC
Business media has written a lot about “authentic leadership.” This HBR article sums it up: “Authentic leadership is a leadership style exhibited by individuals who have high standards of integrity, take responsibility for their actions, and make decisions based on principle rather than short-term success.”
Showing emotion is an essential trait of a genuine leader. Yet, there are also times when emotional restraint is not only needed, but essential. This doesn’t mean you are not being “authentic” as a leader, but rather that you are steering the focus of problem-solving constructively. This is where EQ comes into play.
LEADERS NEED TO WORK ON THEIR EQ
The term emotional intelligence (EQ) was coined in the 1990s and then popularized by Daniel Goleman. His number one bestseller, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ,unpacks the notion that EQ is much more important than IQ when harnessing productivity.
As leaders, we want to use genuine emotion to inspire our teams and create a feeling that we are all rallying together during times of stress.
Here are a few pointers for exercising EQ in the workplace that worked for me:
1. Align Feelings With Facts
I like to tell my team when emotions are running high to look at them carefully. Emotions can be unreliable and need to be managed effectively.
I was in a budget meeting recently, and we all left feeling a bit depressed. That evening, I realized it was all about our self-imposed expectations. We perceived we were failing because of expectations that we hadn’t met. I reviewed the numbers and shared them with the team the next day. The facts were that we were beating our record for the past two decades! The team’s energy was transformed by looking honestly at what we had achieved because we aligned the feelings with the facts.
2. The Power Of Words
Communicating effectively is always important, but it’s imperative in times of crisis. That means giving your team leaders and management a clear picture and message to all staff members.
Admitting failures or hardships is not a weakness. Covering these up with an “everything is okay” attitude is not leadership. It’s deception. An open and honest line of communication lowers the speculation about “what may happen.” I also think there is no place for cliches during trying times—call it like it is, rally the troops, and inspire a fighting spirit.
3. Everyone Is Allowed A Bad Day
The constant “be happy,” “be cheerful,” and “stay positive” narratives can be detrimental to staff morale. And yes, toxic positivity is a real issue. We are all human; there will be bad days and good days. An authentic leader acknowledges this and knows workers should be allowed to express their negative emotions. A good HR team and support structure will help ease an emotionally charged situation.
4. Keep Calm And Carry On
The CEO of Palmetto Infusion and my good friend, David Goodall, has led our company through unprecedented growth, a private equity merger, and a pandemic, and continues to create a culture in which everyone thrives. I learned a lot from him regarding controlling my emotions and viewing issues in a serene manner. He is the steady hand during the good and bad times, and his sense of calm pervades the entire company. If you ask him what drives him, he will give you a simple answer: FAITH. His faith allows him to see the bigger picture, which is vital for any good leader.
Find what works for you—what keeps you grounded and inspired—and use that to your advantage.
5. Keep Good Company And Leave Your Ego At The Door
Having the right people in your leadership team is everything. Again, I refer to David Goodall: He is very deliberate in all he does, while I fall into the category of a “feeler” who operates on emotion. He empathizes with people yet always looks at the facts and makes careful, informed decisions. It’s a partnership of support and solidarity, and it works.
6. Having A Cool Head In Tough Times
While emotions in many situations can move me, there are times when toughing it out is essential. I’m not talking about a “boys don’t cry” approach to handling difficult situations. I just think gathering the troops and becoming focused in times of challenge is the way forward for company leaders.
I also lean on gratitude when I need to get a grip on negative emotions, and teach our teams the same thing. Gratitude is an excellent emotion to have in your toolkit. It’s also contagious, which can only help get everyone to focus on more hopeful outcomes in times of strife.
Gary C. Cooper is the Chairman of Palmetto Infusion | CEO & Founder of The Carolus Company | Investing in human and business potential.