Here’s a tough question: What’s the hardest part of Thanksgiving?
Is it navigating the frenzied holiday crowds at airports and train stations? Waiting in hours-long security lines, then boarding your hours-long flight? Maybe it’s the stomach ulcer you get trying to circumvent the inevitable knock-down, drag-out political fight at the dinner table. Or the bleary, 5 a.m. queue outside Walmart on Black Friday, in hopes of bagging a discount crock pot or Xbox console.
If you answered any of the above, you’re wrong! It’s the turkey.
Roasting a well-seasoned, fully cooked, unburnt holiday turkey is a deceptively tricky feat that has eluded home chefs for decades. It doesn’t even need to be delicious, just edible, but that hasn’t stopped amateur bird basters across the country from bungling the Thanksgiving centerpiece.
Thankfully, Whole Foods—here to save your coronavirus-ridden 2020—is helping out this year. Together with Progressive, it’s offering “turkey insurance,” or a $35 Whole Foods gift card, to customers who “commit a turkey cooking fail.”
“As we anticipate more smaller Thanksgiving gatherings and first-time cooks tackling turkey preparation this year, the Thanksgiving Turkey Protection Plan allows customers the freedom of culinary exploration, knowing all is not lost should their cooking go astray,” Theo Weening, vice president of meat and poultry at Whole Foods, said in a statement.
To qualify for the insurance, customers must purchase a Whole Foods-branded turkey between November 11-22. Then they must horribly botch the cooking of said turkey, after which they should submit a claim with a receipt, explanation, and photograph of the carnage to TurkeyProtectionPlan.com. Claims will be limited to the first 1,000 submissions, beginning on Thanksgiving Day.
According to the National Turkey Federation, around 40 million turkeys are eaten over Thanksgiving each year. That’s 40 million chances for dashed dreams and dry meat—but at least, now, there’s a $35 gift card for that.