Okay, everybody. I would just like to announce that Halloween is now canceled. Don’t go out on October 31. Keep your kids off the street. It’s for their own good: I am sorry to say a company called Yandy has invented a “sexy” Mr. Rogers costume. There is a chance that someone will drop $59.95 to buy it, permanently traumatizing you and your family forever.
Calling it a costume is a bit of an overstatement: The thing barely covers a woman’s body. There is an ultra-low-cut red crop top apparently designed to mimic Mr. Rogers’s famous sweater, plus a black tie that sits awkwardly on a lapel that is weirdly not attached to a shirt. Instead of trousers, there are some booty shorts and a black belt.
Look, it’s not that we’re prudish. The problem is that this is an insult to a beloved American figure whose career was devoted to understanding children and helping them navigate the difficulties of childhood. This costume, for instance, is something he would have had to help kids work through. Like, why the hell would a brand want to sexualize a dead man who spent his life around children? And how did it not occur to them that this would disrespect his memory?
We’ve officially had enough. Yandy has ruined Halloween for all of us, so we’ve decided to bow out of the holiday until further notice. See you guys at Thanksgiving.
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