Okay, everybody. I would just like to announce that Halloween is now canceled. Don’t go out on October 31. Keep your kids off the street. It’s for their own good: I am sorry to say a company called Yandy has invented a “sexy” Mr. Rogers costume. There is a chance that someone will drop $59.95 to buy it, permanently traumatizing you and your family forever.
Calling it a costume is a bit of an overstatement: The thing barely covers a woman’s body. There is an ultra-low-cut red crop top apparently designed to mimic Mr. Rogers’s famous sweater, plus a black tie that sits awkwardly on a lapel that is weirdly not attached to a shirt. Instead of trousers, there are some booty shorts and a black belt.
Look, it’s not that we’re prudish. The problem is that this is an insult to a beloved American figure whose career was devoted to understanding children and helping them navigate the difficulties of childhood. This costume, for instance, is something he would have had to help kids work through. Like, why the hell would a brand want to sexualize a dead man who spent his life around children? And how did it not occur to them that this would disrespect his memory?
In case you think that we might be overreacting, please consider the fact that this is not the only completely bonkers costume that has just been released for Halloween. Yandy has also released a $36.95 sexy Beyond Burger costume. And if it weren’t clear enough that the brand is treating the woman wearing it as a piece of meat (okay, meat alternative, but still), there is a stamp located on the butt that reads Not Grade A. There’s also a good chance that customers might pull out the $64.95 sexy Handmaid’s Tale costume that the brand made last year, which only seemed to highlight that we might actually be living in the misogynist dystopia that Margaret Atwood paints in that novel.
We’ve officially had enough. Yandy has ruined Halloween for all of us, so we’ve decided to bow out of the holiday until further notice. See you guys at Thanksgiving.