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Philadelphia Cream Cheese wants you to share this bagel hole puncher on Instagram

Philadelphia Cream Cheese wants you to share this bagel hole puncher on Instagram
[Photo: Christine Siracusa/Unsplash]

Philadelphia Cream Cheese is giving you a “hole” new way to look at food.

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Starting today, the company is selling a limited-edition Bagel That device to let hungry consumers punch a hole in any food they want before adding cream cheese. The hole-istic contraption is $9.99 on Amazon.com.

“People love spreading Philadelphia Cream Cheese on bagels, but what happens if you’re craving Philly and don’t have a bagel?” Megan Magnuson, associate director of marketing, said in a statement. “We created a device to transform other food items into bagels. Have toast? Bagel That. A waffle? Bagel That. Even a tortilla? Bagel That too.”

It’s unclear if the ersatz-bagelification device will encourage more cream cheese purchasing or if the goal of this, um, smear campaign is to get some attention in the cutthroat food and snack market.

From Oreo’s cookie-decorated socks and the Hidden Valley ranch dressing fountain to Blaze Pizza backpacks and KFC’s recently unveiled Colonel Sanders dating sim, companies know that the way to a consumer’s heart isn’t necessarily through their stomach.

“There’s such pressure to say, ‘Hey, look at me,'” says Allen Adamson, cofounder of the branding agency Metaforce and an adjunct professor at New York University. “No one shares anything normal. It’s putting pressure on marketers to do bizarre, extraordinary things. Attention spans are nanoseconds.”

He adds that a picture of cream cheese is rather blah, so getting that shared on social media would be tough. An oddball machine, marketers hope, will travel far and wide, but that may not mean higher sales.

“It doesn’t necessarily mean it will sell another dollar of product or build a brand. There’s a frenzy today,” Adamson says. “Marketers feel backed against a wall. They have to throw the Hail Mary pass in every play.”

Philadelphia Cream Cheese is owned by Kraft Heinz.

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