What: A video that just may finally, once and for all, break your spirit.
Who: YouTube musical comedy crew Rhyme Combinator, aka The Pantless Knights. (Yes, really.)
Why we care: It’s a misery connoisseur’s buffet out there today, folks, with so much unmitigated awful to fill up on. The president is at war with Will & Grace star Debra Messing, Lana Del Rey is destroying her legendary mystique by being weird about one of her reviews, and Joe Biden may have 28 Days Later disease in his eyeball. Also, there’s climate change, mass shootings, and a crisis at the border. For anyone finding it hard to figure out which of society’s ills to focus their ire on this morning, though, I have a simple suggestion: point it at this thing.
Bitcoin Rap Battle Debate is bad. I mean, obviously it’s bad. The year is 2019, and we are just now getting a Hamilton parody for cryptocurrency nerds, with a libertarian bent. This video isn’t simply bad, though; it’s transcendently and mesmerizingly bad. The rappers, dressed as central bank founder Alexander Hamilton and bitcoin inventor Satoshi Nakamoto, stalk through an office, accompanied by dead-eyed hypemen and -women, while rapping lyrics like “The rich get richer and we follow like we’re all sheep / the banks serve Wall Street, crypto serves all streets.”
Occasionally, we cut to reaction shots from the crowd, and each audience member looks like they just received the wrong order at a restaurant and are deciding whether to say anything about it or not. One of the stars of Epic Rap Battles of History, EpicLloyd, plays Hamilton, so this isn’t exactly a knockoff of that show. What it feels like, though, is a misguided advertisement for bitcoin—a feeling that’s compounded by the parenthetical “(BITCOIN GIVEAWAY)” in the title, and the contest description above the comments.
This video is bad, yes, but at least unlike most of the news lately, it’s innocuously bad. Watch it and mutter a few curses under your breath and then go about the rest of your day, cleansed of negativity.
For the masochistic among us who crave even more punishment, however, here is a behind-the-scenes video. Godspeed!