For most Presidential candidates, “grinding” involves crisscrossing the country to kiss babies and tackle town-hall debates, inspirationally. In the case of Beto O’Rourke, however, the term might refer to executing a sick grind down a parkside staircase-rail–or at least that’s what the skateboarding former congressman would have us all believe.
The newly announced 2020 Presidential aspirant’s love of all things Thrasher-related has been well documented. While campaigning for his ultimately doomed Senate bid in Texas last fall, O’Rourke was known for skateboarding onto the stage at campaign events. But what if, as a new satirical video accurately suggests, Beto can barely board?
Devastating Beto attack ad pic.twitter.com/UHYJ9JTP7P
— Jon Millstein (@jmillstein) March 14, 2019
Can America really trust some poser with his finger on the button? Former Funny or Die writer and ClickHole contributor Jon Millstein doesn’t think so. Timed right to the day of O’Rourke’s big announcement, Millstein’s attack ad-style video appraises the candidate’s credibility as a skater–and finds him wanting. “Anyone who had one cool friend in middle school could do what Beto did that night in the parking lot,” one testimonial asserts, referring to a widely circulated clip of O’Rourke wending his way around a Whataburger. Oof, that’s gotta hurt.
The premise of the video is, of course, ridiculous. Parsing degrees of disingenuous in candidates feels like a quaint practice in a post-2016 election universe. Hillary Clinton did the nae nae on Ellen and lost; Donald Trump ate KFC on a private jet and won. A lot of things that used to matter no longer do. Of course, none of that negates the fact that the skateboarding community deserves a presidential candidate who isn’t a Phony Hawk.