We live in a depressingly materialist society. So why not defer the existential pain of our culture’s ever-increasing vapidity/demise and cash in? Every day, it seems, there’s a new holiday made up by some brand or public relations company. National cookie day! National hot dog day! National bean day! The list goes on.
But today is a realer holiday than these others: It’s Halloween. You know, the day where you’re either a child dressed up in a costume and collecting candy from strangers or an adult dressed up in a costume questioning some or all of your life choices.
But even if this isn’t a fake holiday, that isn’t stopping the brands. Oh no, they want in. They always want in. In fact, many are having specials just for today, because that’s how capitalism works (spooky scary). If you want some free, or discounted, or just weird food today (and, let’s be honest, who doesn’t?), here are some of the places you can go to for Halloween deals.
- Chipotle: The Tex-Mex fast-casual restaurant that has been working tirelessly to get you to forget about its myriad health scares is having a “BOORITO” promo. If you go to a location in costume, you can get a burrito, bowl, salad, or tacos for just $4. And perhaps the goblin getup can scare away the E. coli too.
- Applebee’s: The self-proclaimed “eating good in the neighborhood” restaurant has been having a drink deal all month. Where have you been?? In honor of both Halloween–as well as the chain’s love of sickeningly sweet alcoholic beverages–it has been offering $1 zombie cocktails. Today is your last day, so drink up–and be sure to note where the closest bathroom is.
- Krispy Kreme: If you just go to the beloved donut shop today in costume, you get a free donut. Why not.
- 7-Eleven: This one requires more than just showing up in costume, so bear with me. If you download the 7Reward app you can get a two-for-one pizza deal. But you have to order it between 4 p.m. and 10 p.m. today. What does this have to do with Halloween? I don’t know!
- IHOP: After failing to make everyone buy burgers, the pancake chain is trying to gin up more interest. Today, if you’re 12 or under, you can go to the restaurant and get a free “scary face pancake” between 7 a.m. and 10 p.m.
- Burger King: This isn’t a deal, but the fast-food chain is offering a special sandwich called the Nightmare King. It has fried chicken, grilled beef, bacon, cheese, and is housed in two disturbingly green buns. If green bread is what you’re craving, for some reason, then by all means run don’t walk to your closest BK.
- Starbucks: If unicorn Frappuccinos weren’t scary enough, now the coffee brand has a “Witch’s Brew” drink that is orange creme flavored and has weird decorations on it. Yummy. Supplies are limited so go quick.
There are surely dozens more deals out there, but I’ll end the list here. If you’ve eaten a couple 7-11 pizzas and a donut and beef/chicken sandwich, and then washed it down with a few Applebee’s cocktails, do you really need anything more? Perhaps just your stomach pumped.