On December 11, at appromixately 10am, officer responded to loud music complaint at 1 Douchebag Way. Officer knocked at the door, where he was met with a blast of techno music, emanating from the living room. Resident answered the door (wearing a metallic tassled jacket and acid-washed jeans) dragging a vacuum cleaner with embedded iPod dock and built-in speakers. Officer asked if resident could please turn down the music, pursuant to several complaints from neighbors.
At that point, resident, in a heavy European accent, responded, “Whut ziss? Eet’s my vacuum cleanah! Allow me to show you! It plays MP3’s! Is excellent, no?! This music is progressive acid-reflux house, created by zee best D.J. in Berlin!!!” Resident explained that the Silence Amplified vacuum with the embedded iPod and neon underglow was created by ElectroLux, “and itcost quite a lot of moneee, about 500 of your American dollahs.”
Responding Officer would like to testify to one count of Felony Assault with a Retarded Weapon.
Officer was assured that the latest product was just a prototype, probably a marketing gimmick to promote Electrolux’s Ultra Silencer Model. Nonetheless, Officer would like to point out that many, many other blogs seem to think the concept is a good one. A gimmick to promote a silent vacuum has instead just promoted a bullshit product. Which makes Electrolux look silly given their history of useless innovations–and this ham-fisted, murky marketing. Which is another crime altogether.