Many of us are well-aware that Yahweh wasn’t exactly the most patient of gods. Forget fire and brimstone, Yahweh was the kind of deity who’d see you stoned to death just for working on a Sunday.
In this infographic, Natalya Stanko charts out crimes warranting the death penalty for seven religions–Confucianism, Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Mormonism, and Hinduism. It’s amazing anyone makes it out of these religions alive.
The Abrahamic God is pretty well represented in the divine retribution department. He won’t just sentence you to death for murder, adultery, incest, or homosexuality, he’ll see you dead for communicating with the diseased, swearing at your parents, or stealing a cow (but only if you’re a Mormon).
As Hinduism: Touch the dress of a married woman? Dead. Forge your parents’ signatures on a bad report card? Dead. Drink a beer? Dead. And don’t even get me started on what happens if you happen to sleep with a guru’s wife. Oh wait, it’s the same penalty. You die.
The live-and-let-live philosophy of Confucianism that has the lowest death count. On the entire chart, there’s only one crime worthy of being put to death as far as Confucian texts are concerned. It’s murder, and you can’t commit just one: you have to specifically commit mass murder. Pretty lenient!
It’s worth nothing that the chart here is hyper-literal. The Guide to the Wrath of God only charts crimes that warrant death penalties according to religious texts, but obviously, few of these death sentences are practiced today. Still, if you want to get away with the maximum amount of stuff without risking a thunderbolt from the sky, Confucianism is seeming like a pretty cozy little religion right now, if you ask me.