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Work/Life: American Idol, Your Days Are Numbered

 

 

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  • Even as the latest season of  “American Idol” moves into its final weeks, I was on thefence about creating an “Idol”-themed blog for today.  It seemed a little low-brow.  Then I found an article on the show, by no less a reputablea source than the Los Angeles Times, which did a point-by-point analysis of themost recent contestants to be voted off the program.  The piece was written with all the earnest gravitas of agraduate thesis on A Comparison of Modes of Duality in the Works of the 18thCentury Romantic Poets; so if the LA Times can take this crap seriously, so canI. 
  • To that end, less of a term paper than, well, a pitch for anew televised talent show.  Themedia is awash in ways for everyday citizens to have their fifteen minutes, butthe field seems confined to endurance tests, singing ability, weight loss or apenchant for wife swapping.  Notthat one expects television to celebrate the deeper aspects of our humanityanytime soon, but it doesn’t mean they can’t at least put it on the backburner. Call it “Work/Life Idol.”  In this show, contestants are judged for their ability to prioritize thethings that really matter. 
  • A panel of celebrity judges (Stephen Covey, Dr. Wayne Dyer,and some third person culled from the pool of people who push self-awarenessduring PBS pledge drives) watch people in a variety of hypothetical situationstry to choose the healthiest option in each case.   One hopeful sits at an office desk taking an urgentcall from their toddler who misses them, while that week’s guest star (PaulyShore?  Steven Seagal?  Shannen Dougherty?) harangues them toget back to work.  How long beforethe badgering makes them abandon their loved ones needs?  The celebrity judges will weigh in oneach entrant’s performance.  Andfrom what I’ve heard about that Covey guy, you don’t want him on your badside.  They say he makes SimonCowell look like that nun who shows people around art museums.  
  • Elimination rounds include real-life decisions such as the “Bag-Of-Money-On-The-Left/LastingMarriage-On-The-Right” Gambit, or the “Surgically Implanted Blue ToothChallenge.”  In the season finale,the semi-finalists go head-to-head with the Dalai Lama, who whispers argumentsfor obtaining eternal bliss into their ear while they try to close amulti-million dollar real estate deal with that week’s celebrity guest (KevinFederline?  Rob Schneider? Aprevious runner-up from “World’s Biggest Loser”?).  Sorry, but we have to have a “real” celebrity guest in theseason finale.  Nobody is going tocare about that Dalai Lama guy. 
  • Americans need time to adjust to new ideas.  Maybe there is something horriblyironic about making a contest out of good work/life balance, but sometimes youhave to break the system from within. And any other ideas for games or challenges on “Work/Life Idol” will becheerfully accepted.    

 

 

 

 

 

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