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Candor

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Using our senses

Day 8 of Man in a Womb

Since beginning Man in a Womb, I have done fairly well with my terrible habit of working into the early hours. 2 late nights out of 9 is not bad since I began writing this – and compared to what I was doing before this womblog, that is a massive improvement – but what counts is that I have not still broken the habit – and it is a terrible habit.

Worse still it is fueled by people who admire this trait. I have never viewed it as an admirable habit but I still do it anyway – simply put, I wish people today would take a leaf from Mohammed Ali and Howard Cosell to “tell it like it is”. Candor is a missing ingredient in business life and it is chiefly the only antidote I know to political correctness.

Prejudice is about being afraid of people who are different to you. Politically correct people by this very yardstick are prejudiced people. They make rules which are meant to be intelligent but often produce the exact opposite effect. Candor does not mean being rude, it means being honest, upfront and forthright. If a person upsets you, candor can have a form of political correctness in that one can say with assertiveness “I would like to tell you that what you did upset me”. Candor therefore cannot exist in a vacuum without an interest in the other person.

I have seen people who do not communicate simply because candor is missing from their lives. They would invariably equate candor with agression or bullying. To develop candor we need to ask the question “what will happen if I say this”. Will the world end simply because of how we interpreted the other persons communication.

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We talk about innovative life and then we engage something that people do not generally understand, we can start to see the continuum from cold silence to the worst kinds of human hate. Why do human beings have such a problem with people who are different to them? It is as if familiarity means preservation of a certain way of life and anything that challenges that way of life is spat out like some virus. Yet candor isn’t a virus, not among genuinely intelligent people.

Candor is neither a synonym for disrespect. So much of what is courted as disrespect is simply awful communication skills. We all have awful communication skills, so why not simply accept that as a cause rather than walk through life and fail to appreciate the diversity of human souls, for we learn most in life by recognizing people who are different from us.

Awful communication skills isn’t simply sole cause, lack of sleep – which funnily enough I am supremely qualified to talk about now, dulls our senses. In the very poor choice of trying to extend a human day by cutting into ones sleep, we do not merge with sharper senses. Candor needs absolute clarity and clarity is going to take a nosedive, when one is treating communication as a rationed time thing as much as treating sleep as that inconvenience that one has to do.

Of all the thoughts that can emerge in my head, tonight it was the theme of candor. That is quite ironic – how can I possibly become an expert on straight talk if I tolerate my own ill discipline of staying up this late into a day. Candor above all requires a disciplined mind, otherwise it can set off the fire of emotion and emotion is not a synonym for heart. I need to therefore establish some personal candor of my own about the quality of my sleep and that means when I wake up I need to first read through tonights scripting again – and this time I hope I will begin a new day with a transformed attitude. Otherwise I need to keep meditating on this until my resolve is resolute and this unnecessary habit is broken. It is time to start appreciating the art of relaxation – rather than fuel this late night thinking or schedule work so it eats up the clock so late at night.

If I can’t listen to my own truths, candor as a personal social skill can wait, until that is I have resolved this particular personal truth about my own sleep habit.

M.

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