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Get Fertile! The Next Branding Craze

Cult branding, primal branding, emotional branding… Frankly, the whole branding craze just cracks me up. I had my say on the topic in Fast Company’s October issue, for which I earned the distinguished title “reactionary curmudgeon” from one reader. Nevertheless, this morning I spotted the next big branding idea and it’s just too huge to ignore. Being a generous guy, I’m going to throw it out there for the most enterprising reader to run with. Are you ready? Fertility Branding!

Cult branding, primal branding, emotional branding… Frankly, the whole branding craze just cracks me up. I had my say on the topic in Fast Company’s October issue, for which I earned the distinguished title “reactionary curmudgeon” from one reader. Nevertheless, this morning I spotted the next big branding idea and it’s just too huge to ignore. Being a generous guy, I’m going to throw it out there for the most enterprising reader to run with. Are you ready?

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Fertility Branding!

Excuse the pun, but bear with me here…

I booted up the computer this morning to this, a curious story on fertility and attractiveness. Turns out, according to the psychologists at St Andrews University, a woman’s, um, marketability, so to speak, is linked to her fertility. So I’m wondering, what’s stopping someone from using this kind of thinking over in the colorful world of branding?

Fertility Branding will be the corporate equivalent of calling out, “Buy our products! Our relationship would bear many rewarding branded progeny!” And fertility-type thinking is already a natural fit for the business world. We already talk about the customer’s relationship to the brand as, well, just that: a “relationship.” Think about it; there’s the pick-up-line phase in the grocery aisle (“Try Me! Try ME!”) the courting phase (“You like that feature? Wait, there’s more!”) the why-don’t-you-come-up-for-coffee phase (“Was it good for you?”) and, finally, the happily-ever-after phase of brand loyalty, complete with the pitter-patter of little sub-brand extensions. This relationship rubric is nothing new.

So why not take it one step further? Introducing, Fertility Branding. If relationships really do begin with a subconscious recognition of fertility, than this is a no brainer. (Yeah, yeah, it could get into all kinds of touchy material, but that never stopped the branding gurus before!) And if you act fast, you could be first! All you need is a handful of CEOs to buy in to your Fertility Branding pitch and you’ve got an instant consultancy. (Plus a speaking series, book deal and bulk key chain order…) What’s the pitch? Well here’s what I’m thinking…

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The philosophy would be to characterize brands as the most fertile in their industries. By generating tons of “potent branding pheromones” companies would effortlessly attract customers left and right. Sound crazy? Well, Ford apparantly gets it; the company has already started recasting itself as a fertile company with its Innovation push. And what word better captures corporate fertility than “innovation”? I rest my case.

Good luck! And, if you get a chance, send me a key chain…

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