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Stop Me Before I Blog About the Apprentice Again

The moment has passed, I know. Whatever stench of cultural relevance the Apprentice–and by extension, The Donald–may have once had has long since dissipated. And yet, I’m powerless to turn away from this prime-time train wreck. I’m in so far over my head that I’ve all but guaranteed myself a fiery damnation in which I’m doomed to watching nothing but boardroom fights for the rest of time.

The moment has passed, I know. Whatever stench of cultural relevance the Apprentice–and by extension, The Donald–may have once had has long since dissipated. And yet, I’m powerless to turn away from this prime-time train wreck. I’m in so far over my head that I’ve all but guaranteed myself a fiery damnation in which I’m doomed to watching nothing but boardroom fights for the rest of time.

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Last night’s show, however, was just so bad, that I can’t not comment. I don’t know which was more cringe-worthy: Watching Tana repeat out loud her signature brand of pathologically upbeat self affirmations (“Damnit, I am a winner!”) or watching her slowly self-destruct while gamely attempting to pull off her bewildering NYC 2012 task (Gov. Pataki, Donald Trump, and Bruce Jenner were all on stage, but who the hell were they making speeches to?). Then, just at the moment my skin literally started to crawl off my body, here comes Kendra boo-hooing about what a great and “inspiring” leader she’d proven to be for a group that, gee whiz, just a few weeks ago were total losers. Of course, if last night’s cat-fight royale carries any weight in the final outcome, then Kendra clearly wins next week. But think about it: Throwing a late-night celebrity and booze-filled bash in Webster Hall to launch a hot new video game versus a daytime event at Chelsea Piers with Bruce Jenner and George Pataki headlining for a long-shot bid at hosting an Olympics that’s seven years away. That’s hardly a fair fight.

Okay, one other thing unworthy of mention. Was it just me (and my wife) who found Tana’s boardroom comment totally disingenuous that she would have to give up so much more (namely her hubby and two kids) to become Donnie’s be-otch than would single twenty-something Kendra? As horrible as I think working for Trump for a year would be (especially for the paltry sum of $250k) I think it probably would beat the hell out of working for Mary Kay and raising two kids in Iowa–and I say that as a loving parent of two charming kids myself.

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