Top Ten List

Last year, Fast Company offered 10 make-or-break questions to gauge whether your company is up to speed. As a birthday present to FC Now, I have here in my left hand tonight’s Top 10 list — a humorous counterpoint you can also use to evaluate your organization’s performance.

Tonight’s Top 10 list: Top 10 Ways to Tell if Your Company is Not “Fast.” Heeeeere we go…

  • 10. Employee of the Month parking space has been awarded to the cleaning person for the tenth straight month.
  • 9. VP of Engineering is a little to fond of the phrase “innovation-schminnovation.”
  • 8. After learning of how many employees have “blogs,” CFO worried that such a wide-spread epidemic would drive medical premiums through the roof.
  • 7. The movie Office Space is shown to managers as a lesson in how things should be done. (Or The Corporation, for that matter.)
  • 6. The VP of Marketing thinks Heath Row is a typo for an airport in London.
  • 5. After overhearing that an employee recently “Googled” a client, COO consulted with legal counsel only to learn it’s not what it sounds like.
  • 4. The VP of Sales thinks a purple cow is something that will cripple the beef industry.
  • 3. With revenues in the third year of rapid decline, the company’s spending on Successories posters and coffee mugs hit record levels. Purchasing considers switching to Despair Inc.
  • 2. The CEO tells Maria Bartiromo that shareholders need not worry because “change is something to be jingled in one’s pockets, not a way by which to improve the company’s ailing bottom line.”

And, the #1 way to tell if your company is not “Fast”:

  • 1. Most common employee catch-phrase: “It could be worse.”