Crazy Sick Day Excuses, Sports Edition

I heard on the radio this morning that Drew Gooden, a forward for the NBA’s Orlando Magic, missed last night’s game against Sacramento due to “infected hair follicles.” Now I’ve had infected hair follicles (file that under “too much information”) and yet it’s never caused me to call in sick.

Professional sports seems to encourage a lot of oddball reasons for missing work. I have to admit that it’s been something of a little hobby to catalogue some of the odder ones. Claudell Washington, an outfielder for the Yankees, Angels, Braves, and other teams, once had to go on the 15-day disabled list after chipping his tooth on a candy bar. Bake McBride, an outfielder for the Philadelphia Phillies, went on the DL after getting soap in his eyes in the shower. John Smoltz burned himself ironing a shirt–while he was wearing it. Numerous basketball players have hurt their thumbs from playing too many video games.

Please, I beg you, try this at home: Call your boss tomorrow and tell her that you won’t be coming in because you were playing video games all night and seemed to have injured your thumb. Does she just offer to send your personal effects to your home so you don’t even have to bother coming to the office to clean up? Or do you need to risk your thumb’s health further stopping by the office to get your stuff?

In some ways, I do sympathize. Athletes can’t plausibly say they’re “going to work from home that day.” Or that they have to be out “meeting a client” and it doesn’t make sense to come into work afterwards.

So what about you? What’s the craziest circumstance that’s caused you to miss work? Or what’s the wackiest excuse that got you a Ferris Bueller day?