CEO Dad’s Tuesday Tirade….
Each working day is another reminder of how our fast-paced life and the technology that makes it even faster might well be taking years off of our lives. Every so-called advancement, every gadget or device gets invented to maximize our efficiency. Only it ends up maximizing our stress and workload. I think we’re all in agreement that technology is evil, and couldn’t possibly do anybody any good.
Unless you’re a woman giving birth to a baby that is. From Russia comes the story of a woman whose child’s delivery was performed by the light of a phalanx of cell phones. When a power outage darkened the delivery room, nurses grabbed all the mobile phones they could (from a hospital full of overworked multi-taskers, no doubt) and shined their LED displays onto the blessed event.
I say this could be just the beginning of ways that our sickening dependence on machines and gizmos could serve a higher purpose. Like:
LAPTOP FOR HUMANITY LOW-COST HOUSING: Let’s face it, you upgrade to a new laptop every four and half days, and so do millions like you. Don’t throw away these eminently stackable and sturdy bulwarks; pile them high, deep and wide to create a small clubhouse-like home for those not fortunate enough to have a domicile of their own. These sleek, individual metal cabins can stand up to the elements. And they may not have indoor plumbing, but for the first time the underprivileged will have Wi-fi!
PHOTOCOPIER ALIEN SIGNALING DEVICE: Always wanted to communicate with begins from beyond our galaxy but couldn’t find a cost-efficient way to beam signals into space from your home or office? Simply get your photocopy machine out into the middle of a field (dollies are cheaper to rent than you think), set it to reproduce 200 pages, open the lid and presto: blast after blast of blinding white light sent forth to the heavens! You’re doing your part to reach out to other intelligent life forms, and you don’t even have to replace the toner!
PLAYSTATION THEFT PREVENTION: Why spend money on an expensive alarm system for your home? Simply invite all your child’s friends over for a sleepover and equip each one with their own version of “Grand Theft Auto VIII.” The sounds of a dozen computer-generated criminals pummeling the stuffing out of one another will make any would-be intruder think they have stumbled upon a Mafia safe house into which they wouldn’t dare set foot. Bada bing, what a money saver!
I’m sure you can all come up with more high-minded uses for some of your other pieces of modern technology. Feel free to send them along, Crackberry fans!