Dissonance = What are you going to do for me?/What are you going to do to me?
When what you’re going to do to people speaks much louder than what you are going to do for them, not only will you not get through to them, they will pull themselves even further away.
To counter that it is wise to be aware of your misperceptions of how you think you are coming off when you are really coming off differently. If you think you’re coming off as wise, but they see you as being sly (think Hillary circa 2008) or if you think you are coming off as passionate, when they think you’re coming off as over the top (think Howard Dean circa 2004) people are more likely to buy out.
In addition, when you think you’re perceiving someone accurately when they feel you aren’t getting where they’re coming from, they are likely to be even more resistant to having you take them where you want them to go.
To summarize, when you really get where people are coming from, they are more likely to let you take them where you want them to go. When however you assume you know where they’re coming from, but you haven’t a clue, they’re less likely to let you do anything with them.
For a list of common misperceptions about how you’re coming off and about how others are coming off, check out: Emotional Ignorance: What you don’t know can hurt you..
For more info go to: www.markgoulston.com.