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Work/Life: Say Buy-Buy To Holiday Gift-Buying Woes

CEO Dad’s Tuesday Tirade…. Hey. Thanksgiving’s over. And you still haven’t gone out and done your civic duty by shopping for holiday gifts? You people make me sick. So what if nobody you know actually needs another gift certificate, pair of gloves or hot lather machine (remember those?), how the heck are they going to know you love them if you don’t for gosh sakes buy them something already? And with that in mind, here’s a little holiday merchandise guide designed to streamline your present purchasing power (and your skill with alliteration, for that matter).

CEO Dad’s Tuesday Tirade….

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Hey. Thanksgiving’s over. And you still haven’t gone out and done your civic duty by shopping for holiday gifts? You people make me sick. So what if nobody you know actually needs another gift certificate, pair of gloves or hot lather machine (remember those?), how the heck are they going to know you love them if you don’t for gosh sakes buy them something already?

And with that in mind, here’s a little holiday merchandise guide designed to streamline your present purchasing power (and your skill with alliteration, for that matter).

TOM STERN’S ONE OF A KIND HOLIDAY WORK/LIFE BALANCE GIFTS.
(FOR THE PERSON WHO DOES EVERYTHING.)

THE ELECTRONIC REMINDER REMINDER REMINDER – An exclusive add-on to your Blackberry or Palm Pilot, this helpful feature automatically programs your own reminder beep to beep two additional times: once six hours before the thing you needed reminding about, to remind you that in six hours you have to remember to do it; then one more time two hours before the reminder beep you set to remind you that you will shortly have to remember that you needed to remind yourself about something. Sounds confusing, yet is. But stressed out workaholics quickly find it becomes indispensable.

THE AUTOMOBILE HIGH CHAIR – Tired of trying to efficiently use your steering wheel AND eat a messy sandwich or hamburger while driving? Your worries are over, with this combination booster seat/handy food tray that keeps that burrito right by your mouth for the entire trip, just like the high chair you had as a baby. All you have to do is lean forward and chew. Bib optional, but this product is also a great release for your inner child. And if anyone needs an excuse to remind the world that they still act like they are two years old, it’s us.

TONY ROBBINS’ “I’M DEPRESSED” DVD – Essential viewing for everybody who secretly knows how tough it is to keep up the façade of a driven, over-achieving maniac, this revealing look at an “off morning” for inspirational speaker Robbins finds him unable to get out of bed, certain that nothing he has to say could possibly be reaching anybody and why does he even bother. If one of the richest men in America, who also happens to have some of the most impressive teeth in the country, can experience a setback in “doing it all,” then so can you. Comes with an ergonomic pillow.

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STERN’S STRESS INDUCING BALLS – Use that stress you get from a botched meeting or a frustrating phone call! Help it to propel you into even more aggressive and profit-inducing behavior to take your business to the next level! Why clutter your desk with a million pliable stress relieving balls when these stress inducing balls can bring you back to the state you know and love so well? Scientifically formulated to remain rock solid no matter how hard you squeeze them, our patented stress inducing balls strengthen your anger and resolve, storing up resentments when you need them most, so you can get back on that phone and tell whoever it is where to get off! Not recommended for home use. Not responsible for acid reflux disease.

Well, if you can’t choose a gift for that special someone from the above list this year, then chances are you know a bunch of well-adjusted people. And that is, in and of itself, a gift. Happy Holiday time!

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