An Oklahoma company is causing a ruckus by running a Web site that offers various excuse notes to people who want to take some short-notice time off from work. For about 25 bucks, you can download a document that looks like it comes from a doctor, a court, or even a funeral home. The site disclaimer points out that the forms are for entertainment purposes only, but since medical records are protected from public scrutiny, often the sick notes from doctors go unquestioned while an employee skips out on responsibility for a day.
Not only that, people are starting to use the notes for other purposes, such as getting out of contracts or dodging traffic tickets. In fact, the owner of the site is quoted as saying “there’s no way we could think of every way to use [the service].”
Well, that got my twisted little mind going. Here’s a template of my own. Feel free to use it. I won’t even charge you the 25 dollars. However, I will accept donations to the Tom Stern Work/Life Balance Foundation.
From the Desk of Doctor Morton Fine
18 Credibility Towers, Suite 400
Phoenix, Arizona 85003
Re: Tom Stern
It is my considered medical opinion that Tom Stern [or your name here] will be unable to make the client lunch/merger meeting/conference call that was scheduled for today. I have examined Mr. Stern, and found his heart has hardened to such a degree that unless he spends a few moments playing with his children or takes a long-needed bubble bath with his wife, he will soon be in need of a complete Workechtomy. As you know, a Workechtomy is a costly and potentially dangerous procedure that involves the removal of the 18-hour day hemisphere from the brain, and reducing it to the proper 8-hour size. But surgery can be avoided by his simply refusing to submit to another day of the soul-crushing, mind-numbing, physically exhausting experience you people call “doing business.”
It is with these considerations in mind that I request a freaking day off for this person, or there’ll be hell to pay, you got that, dirt bag?
Dr. Morton Fine
I think that ought to do the trick. Now I’m going to kick back and take a little quality time with others and myself. I encourage you to create your own templates, and let me know how it goes. And if you find out a way to turn a profit, more power to you.