CEO Dad’s Tuesday Tirade….
Any person who works too much knows that sports is one of the tried-and-true distractions into which we can siphon off our priorities. And now it’s baseball playoff season, so I’ve got plenty of ultimately unimportant stuff vying space in my brain pan.
Well, last night I had a strange dream. Without comment, I will relate the highlights of this dream now, as best I can remember it:
(WE HEAR THE LOW HUM OF A PACKED BASEBALL STADIUM)
ANNOUNCER: In this exciting American League Work/Life Division playoff, we are tied one to one in the tenth. That’s right, we’ve gone into extra innings. And Tom Stern is starting again with the top of the order: he’s leading off with his long-time excuse for not making time for his family, and that’s the “I’ve got this out of town client and this is the only time he can meet” gambit. Oh! And that is a strike-out in quick succession.
More than ever before, Tom Stern is having to face some incredible pitching from his wife and children. His spouse in particular has really perfected that sinker, and Tom just keeps swinging at it without connecting. But, next in the batting order is Tom’s designated hitter, something that has always come through for him. And yes, he appears to be going with the “I promise we’ll take a vacation soon.” And look at that, he’s even added the gratuitous “wherever you want to go…all I want is for you to be happy.” Once again, though, that spouse of his is on fire on the mound today, and Stern cannot make contact with his approach.
He’s got one more chance to finish this match-up, and he is bringing something he does not usually trot out to the plate this late in the game. The crowd goes wild as they watch Tom attempt a last-minute “If I work extra hard on Friday, I can take Monday off to be with you and the kids.” The seasoned pitcher/spouse has heard this many times before however, and Stern takes three strikes in quick succession. And that’ll do it for Tom Stern, so let’s see what the wife and children have in store as we head into the bottom of the tenth. There is something fitting about these very loving and patient people having the home-field advantage, don’t you think, Don?
(I’M NOT SURE WHO DON IS, BUT HE SUDDENLY APPEARED IN THE DREAM ADDING COLOR COMMENTARY)
DON: That’s right, Pat. And Tom’s Excuses Batted In average is very low this season. He is way off his offensive game.
ANNOUNCER: Well, here we go, Don. Tom’s wife is at the plate. Look at that authoritative batting stance. She means business. And she has brought out a big strategy for this inning. She is going with the “couples counseling/scheduling time to be together and sticking to it” for her latest at-bat, and let’s see if Tom can throw some curve balls to strike out that approach. And Stern kicks, and there’s the first pitch, and….WHOA! That ball is outta here! There was just no stopping the practicality and simplicity of Tom’s wife’s approach. She met Tom on his own business-like terms and he just did not have the pitching arm to fight that. And as that ball, hit with love, heads way over the left field wall, this game is over!
Well, I woke up in a cold sweat, but I’m better now. And everything worked out, anyway, because the TV is on the fritz, and I have no choice but to stop using sports as an excuse. Of course, I could just take a long trip in the car and listen on the radio. With the whole family, of course. It will be an excellent chance to spend some time together.