Even criminals need a little work/life balance. A Washington, D.C. patio party was winding down last week when an armed, hooded gunman burst in and demanded valuables on pain of death. But things did a 180 when one of the guests blurted out that maybe he’d like a glass of wine. After a couple of sips of the vino, and a nibble on some cheese, the thug concluded he was robbing the wrong people, and even asked them for a group hug before he left.
By the time this posts, it could well come out that this story was a hoax, and my belief in the healing power of love will take a beating. Just the same, it makes one think about how a little balance in the lives of some of our more toxic driven personalities may have changed the course of civilization. Here’s a few sample headlines it might have been fun to read:
STALIN TAKES BREATHER FROM OPPRESSION TO TAKE IN DAUGHTER’S CELLO RECITAL. Dateline Moscow. According to Central Committee officials, more than three hundred dissidents were spared execution today when Joseph Stalin took time off to attend a solo cello performance given by his daughter at her elementary school. Not as lucky was the unfortunate man who coughed during Haydn’s Cello Concerto in E minor.
IDI AMIN ENCOURAGES ALL UGANDANS TO TRY DEEP BREATHING EXERCISES. In a televised speech yesterday, Idi Amin urged his citizenry to cope with the recent round of horrible violence he has brought upon the country by taking a long breath in through the nose and then slowly letting it out of the mouth. He also suggested getting in touch with the rhythms of one’s breathing to help calm the desire to kill those with whom you disagree.
ATTILA THE HUN ACCEPTS SELTZER, BRIE IN LIEU OF HEADS OF ENEMIES. UPI, Gaul. Moments away from lopping off the heads of people who were in his way, the warrior Attila was swayed from performing another decapitation by the kind offer of bubbly water and aged Brie served on Carr’s Table Water biscuits. The mighty Hun described it as a “delightful repaste,” before getting back on his horse and practicing deep breathing. The citizens who escaped Attila’s wrath described him as “exceedingly pleasant.”
Well, we can dream. And, we can take no small consolation in the fact that being a workaholic is hardly the blight on society that a dictator is. Still, any fake headlines about a work/life balance casualty you’d like to write?