I was going to blog something about Mother’s Day, but I don’t have as many issues with Mom as I do Dad, and since comedy usually comes from pain, I was kind of tapped out. However, I will instead write about something every mother has: children.
Children are very transparent creatures. They have not yet learned how to censor what they feel. In this way, they are like Simon Cowell. The bottom line is that children, perhaps more than anybody, can sense when their parent is not getting work-life balance down right. I like to think it’s a credit to my own personal development that I am beginning to pick up on the not-so-subtle behaviors my children adopt when I reveal myself as the overworked, unfocused letdown I am so often capable of being.
Here then are the Top Ten signs that your children are tired of being around you and your unresolved issues around work.
1.Their latest Play-Doh project was a remarkably realistic rendering of you in the cardiac emergency room.
2.The dolls in your daughter’s American Girl collection all look extremely disappointed in you.
3.They keep writing to Go, Diego Go, begging him to rescue you from the wilds of your office.
4.That birthday party piñata the kids are pummeling looks strangely like you.
5.They start requesting trips to the dentist.
6.They are falling asleep sooner every time you read them the bedtime story The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
7.They introduce you to their friends by saying “pay no attention to the man behind the desk.”
8.When they are playing Club Penguin, they won’t let your avatar leave the igloo.
9.You are known as the world’s only “latch key parent.”
10.They’re putting a little away every week for therapy.
I’m sure there’s more that I’m missing. I don’t claim to be completely balanced yet. And along the way, I know I can count on my kids to go all Simon Cowell on my sorry butt.