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The Good, The Bad and the Wireless

CEO DAD’S TUESDAY TIRADE

CEO DAD’S TUESDAY TIRADE

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Never let it be said, that Frank Pitt is not ahead of the curve. Or, to put it another way, never let it be said that Frank Pitt is behind the curve. I may not really exist, I may be just a character made up by Tom Stern, but I have been endowed with…well, ideas anyway. I can’t vouch for being endowed with anything else, since a comic strip is a fairly flat universe. Anyway, checking a recent edition of the Journal, I discovered that a whole raft of organizations are starting to offer their own cell phone plans.

It’s a way of offering a needed product to people who have a loyalty to any number of things. For example, there is a Boston Red Sox fan cell phone provider. They are sure to make a fortune in replacement phones, since many will be damaged by being thrown-up on in the Fenway Park bleacher seats. There’s another cell phone plan for business-owner Moms, another for film buffs, another for yoga enthusiasts (the latter being another boon in replacement phones, along with the oft-asked question “how did you get it stuck there in the first place?”)

Not to be outdone, we’ll soon be launching the CEO DAD Wireless Plan. Here are some of its special features:

FREE CALLS TO EVERYONE ELSE IN YOUR NETWORK. Pysche! You don’t have anybody in your network, you overworked, no-time-for-a-personal-life nut!

4 FREE ANYTIME MINUTES. You’ll damn well pay for the rest. Makes a man of you. Helps you learn the value of money. Harumph.

OPTIONAL TEXT MESSAGING. Srry, I’m ovr 25, hvnt rlly mastrd this hole txt mssg thng.

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INTERNET ACCESS RIGHT ON YOUR PHONE. Another time suck to draw attention away from your empty life. No need to thank me.

CAMERA PHONE. Take a picture of yourself while you’re still at work at 8:25 pm. Maybe one day you’ll figure out why you bother the people you love.

We hope you will find the new CEO DAD Wireless Plan useful. It may be promoting a lost cause, but no more than the Red Sox, right?

Yours fictionally,

Frank Pitt
CEO DAD