CEO DAD’S TUESDAY TIRADE
When I’m not (literally) drawn into the panels of one of Tom Stern’s CEO DAD strips, I spend a lot of time hanging out, thinking about my lot as a fictional character. It stinks in a lot of ways. I don’t get to watch 60 Minutes or go to Cirque de Soleil, for example, but the cartoon universe is actually loaded with profound thoughts which I enjoy taking the time to review every once in a while:
1.Kids will often undercut your work-life balance issues. They are full of biting, to-the-point sayings which will always undercut your attempts to be a so-called grown-up. Many a day in my world ends with a child saying something to the effect of “wow, you sure are a putz (adult name here).”
2.No matter how frantic your life gets, it will only get worse if you decide to own a giant Great Dane.
3.While animals cannot talk in the real world, many can in comic strips. Next time you look at your pet, think about how he would describe you to his friends after spending so much of his life around you. Chances are, you would not fare well.
4.All politicians are horrible. (Doonesbury only.)
5.You are most likely smarter and more qualified than your boss, because all bosses are stupid. (Dilbert only.)
6.Wait. Tom Stern just told me I’m a stupid boss, too. What a rip.
7.If you only have one sentence to express yourself, be glib enough that only three people will understand what you’re talking about. (New Yorker cartoons only.)
8.If you cannot afford a home, at least try to get an Apartment 3-G.
9.Any amount of imbecilic character defects can be avoided by simply not knowing what a jerk you are. (In comics, as in life.)
10.Low-paid policemen can somehow still afford stylish loft apartments. (Sorry, that’s the movies, but it’s always bugged me and I didn’t know when I’d get another chance to spout off about it.)
There you have it. Who would have thought a cartoon would have so many ways to comment on our daily lives? D’oh!
Frank Pitt, CEO DAD