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Imus-ta Missed Something

CEO DAD’S TUESDAY TIRADE

CEO DAD’S TUESDAY TIRADE

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As a comic strip character, I exist mainly, at least according to my creator Tom Stern, to point out the foibles that most of you are guilty of in your human lives as successful businesspeople. Indeed, several of the things I’ve gotten up to (such as being unable to stay away from electronic communication devices while on vacation, or rewarding the achievements of my youngest child by promoting her to first-born) serve to show you real people how foolish you can sometimes be regarding issues of work-life balance. But lately, folks, you have been making my job very difficult by behaving like…well…freaking cartoon characters! Don Imus, so insulated in his world of work that he thinks he can insult anyone. Alberto Gonzales maintaining that nothing improper has happened. Britney Spears shaving her head. And Sanjaya still hasn’t been voted off the island. What is up with you people? And what kind of dent can a little three-panels of comic-strip satire hope to put in this epidemic of dysfunction? Worst of all, for me, anyway, is that I am supposed to represent the most clueless, work-obsessed person in your culture. How can I keep up? You’ve taken all the good ideas. How do you know that Tom Stern hasn’t been planning a lot of new and outrageous storylines for me? But now, if he has me shave my head, fire a few federal prosecutors, insult an entire race of people or get rewarded for mediocre singing week after week, he could be charged with plagiarism. So, please, America, try to stick to your everyday problems, like spending more time with your family or not working through your lunch hours. We’re not going to get anywhere until you start leaving the unbelievable, obnoxious buffoonery to someone who doesn’t really exist!

Yours fictionally,

Frank Pitt, CEO DAD