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What’s in a Name, Baby?

A couple in Sweden are getting grief from the authorities in Stockholm for wanting to name their baby after the popular heavy metal band Metallica.

A couple in Sweden are getting grief from the authorities in Stockholm for wanting to name their baby after the popular heavy metal band Metallica.

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Stories like this make me feel so much better about myself. Here I am, on a daily quest for work-life balance, and here’s two people who need life-life balance. I was raised by an overly-controlling, emotionally unavailable father who may have scarred me life in many ways I’m still paying a therapist to uncover. But compared to some twerp who wants to name their kid after a hair band, I got off easy. Imagine if my parents had named me after some of the hot trends in the late 1950’s. You might now be reading a blog by Big Bopper Stern, Hula Hoop Stern, How-Many-College-Students-Can-Cram Into-a-Phone-Booth Stern, or even Better-Dead-Than-Red Stern. Had I been saddled with any of these colorful names, I would have ostracized and vilified by everyone in my school and peer group. Wait, that’s what happened anyway, but you know what I mean.

When asked why she was so upset that the Stockholm courts didn’t want to grant her wish to name her baby Metallica, the mother said, “It suits her…she’s decisive and she knows what she wants.” I don’t know how many of you have dealt with a newborn baby, but the only things they are decisive about are taking in and then eliminating any Gerber product you can name. To impose decision-making prowess on a being ten days out of the womb sets unrealistic expectations for that child. This poor kid is being set up to make it against overwhelming odds and ridicule, a future overachieving workaholic who will need work-life balance for sure. What kid can resist seeing if someone named Metallica lives up to their kick-ass name? I hope the Stockholm courts win, or the enlightened, progressive country of Sweden will be known for its political neutrality, its wonderful socialized health care system, and a little girl named after a bunch of guys with cucumbers stuffed into their leather pants.

In closing, I just want to say, thanks Mom and Dad. I may be messed up, but at least I’m basic Tom.