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Ceo Dad Outs Covert Agents of Comic Strip Dysfunction

CEO DAD’S TUESDAY TIRADE

CEO DAD’S TUESDAY TIRADE

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As drawn in Tom Stern’s comic strip, CEO DAD, I’ve often been told that I bear a certain resemblance to Karl Rove. Therefore it is not surprising that I have taken it upon myself to “out” various members of my imaginary cartoon community as covertly involved in work-life balance dysfunction. This is not to shatter any long-held illusions you may have. Rather it is so that you can begin to see those of us who exist only in newsprint as full, complex human beings. It’s easy to think of us as perfect simply because we are more famous. But think again.

Andy Capp – Buries all awareness of his conflicts with work-life balance in copious amounts of beer. Should be shepherded into a twelve-step program, except with that hat constantly in front of his eyes, he would probably trip over all the folding chairs and disrupt the meeting.

Baby Blues – These two blame everything on their kids. I never thought I’d say this, but they need more work and less life.

Calvin and Hobbes – They went the other way. Rather than even deal with work or life, they spin out into zen-like philosophical discussions, which hints at a darker level of denial about their lack of ambition. This is further illustrated by the fact that they never started an intellectual property suit going once Calvin started showing up on those decals on the backs of minivans doing unspeakable things.

The Far Side – These kind of sick thoughts are only natural when your office is a crawl space.

Get Fuzzy – What does this guy DO anyway?

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Heathcliff – Imagine being the manager of a Comp USA and having to go into direct competition with Bill Gates. This will give you some idea of the desperate, passive-aggressive behavior exhibited by any comic strip cat that isn’t Garfield.

Prince Valiant – Work-life balance completely thrown off by expectations of a more chivalrous age. And that haircut would invite much ridicule in a sports bar.

Rex Morgan, M.D. – It’s bad enough that a lot of doctors have God complexes, but here’s a guy who hasn’t aged since his inception in 1948. And still, he doesn’t have time for a rich and satisfying home life.

May this short primer on comic strip dysfunction give you food for thought, and perhaps make you look a little differently at the friends you encounter in your daily rag each day. At least you’re reading this on the Internet, where there is hardly ever a glut of useless information.

Yours fictionally,

Frank Pitt, CEO DAD

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