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Dilbert: An Apology

As the main character in a comic strip, I, Frank Pitt, serve to illustrate the challenges and foibles encountered each day by a busy, hard-working, well-meaning corporate executive. But even I, overachiever that I am, was unprepared for the slimy little fast one that Tom Stern, my benevolent (or so I thought) creator has been pulling on me for the past two months.

As the main character in a comic strip, I, Frank Pitt, serve to illustrate the challenges and foibles encountered each day by a busy, hard-working, well-meaning corporate executive. But even I, overachiever that I am, was unprepared for the slimy little fast one that Tom Stern, my benevolent (or so I thought) creator has been pulling on me for the past two months.

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Truthfully, I feel horribly manipulated, and even a little grimy. The only equivalent in the comic strip world would involve the private disciplinary sessions that occur below decks with Hagar the Horrible, but even the horns on his helmet cannot produce the kind of piercing I’m experiencing now.

It turns out that Tom Stern, while I lay innocently, two-dimensionally on the drawing board each day, has been subtly dropping hints about how Dilbert is inferior to me, and should be stopped. I, in turn, absorbed these negative thoughts and spewed them out to you in my blog postings. I had truly come to believe that I was right about how Dilbert was undermining the fabric of the American workplace, and so I said so, unabashedly.

But, dear friends, I have been set-up. The entire scheme was a ploy by Tom Stern to get me to stir up controversy so that he could promote his new book CEO DAD: How to Avoid Being Fired By Your Family, which comes out next month courtesy of Davies-Black Publishers. I wouldn’t be surprised if the release date is April first, because I have been the consummate fool. It all culminated in last week’s testimonial from Jerry Seinfeld, which completely won me over, blind as I was to Tom Stern’s superior talents at shameless self-promotion.

So, Dilbert, I apologize. Though I do, in hindsight, resent your passive-aggressiveness, I see now the role you fill in both your job, and in our shared world of the comic strip. That being said, I still wish you could do something about your boss’s hair.

But Tom Stern, you got me. Not hard to do I suppose, since I wouldn’t exist without you. I’m not happy about being used as a shill for your exciting new (dare I say revolutionary) new book, which describes the outrageous odyssey of a man confronting his work-life imbalance. All I can say in conclusion, as I cope with my own shame and my unwitting role as Tom Stern promoter, is CLICK HERE TO PRE-ORDER.

Yours fictionally,

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Frank Pitt
CEO DAD

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