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What You Don’t Know About Intimacy Could Fill a Wallet

MY WORK-LIFE BALANCE SHEET

MY WORK-LIFE BALANCE SHEET

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How many times in your life have you said “now I’ve heard everything?” Most of us say it a lot, which only proves that society is getting weirder. After all, if we thought we’d heard everything, and then something happens that is even more bizarre than the thing that made us think we’d heard everything before, clearly we haven’t heard everything, and not only have we not heard everything, but even after this time, when we think we’ve finally heard everything, there will be another everything waiting in the wings to raise our threshold of having heard everything yet again.

I think I just had an embolism.

Anyway, this moment’s “thought I’d heard everything” is from Buffalo, New York, where the “Hugging Bandit,” a heavyset woman who embraces men on their way out of bars only to steal their wallets and use their credit cards, has been on the prowl for a decade.

What this tragic story tells us about men and work-life balance is truly heart wrenching. A fellow is out carousing with his friends (a.k.a.: avoiding going home to the surreal, frightening world of people who actually care about him), when he steps out to the sidewalk. There, a whole lot of woman singles him out for a hug, and he only too readily succumbs to the warmth of a bosom, which represents for him all the mothering and love he knows he needs, but is too much of a wuss to ever admit to. No sooner is he smothered in the ample folds of an adoring stranger than he is parted with his wallet. Hence, paying the ultimate price for being a desperate, affection-starved loser. The fact that this woman has been making a decent living off clueless guys for ten years just shows how pitiful we male of the species really are.

So, guys, skip that after-work socializing tonight, go home and hug your wife. At least if she ends up with your wallet, you’ll know she’s using your credit cards for something important: like filling the gaping hole in her life left by your inability to receive love. Now that’s comforting!

TOM STERN TOP THREE TAKEAWAYS

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1.It is sad but true that men seek affection in all the wrong places. But at least, in many of those places, they part with their money voluntarily.
2.Hug a stranger today. (Readers with bodily injury coverage only.)
3.To many men, intimacy is a four letter word. Do not ask these men for help on the crossword puzzle.

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