Top O’ the Market: A Consumer’s Guide

  Trump World Tower Richard Meier’s Perry Street towers 20 Pine The Jade Miraval Living William Beaver House The pitch "The Greatest Condominium Building in the World!" The Getty Museum, curated by Page Six celebutards Spring Break!

  Trump World Tower Richard Meier’s Perry Street towers 20 Pine The Jade Miraval Living William Beaver House
The pitch “The Greatest Condominium Building in the World!” The Getty Museum, curated by Page Six celebutards Spring Break! SAC Capital Advisors heads to Milan. Heroin chic, via Ibiza. Includes hammam/recovery area Inspired Living meets The Nanny Diaries Howard Stern hosts Private Air magazine relaunch party.
Extreme marketing ploy Pimping out a hard-to-sell penthouse to Esquire magazine for use as multisponsor “ultimate bachelor pad” No marketing. If you need to be pitched, you don’t belong. Sales office open 24-7 so BSD’s can put 75% cash down without missing that next “sweet” deal A 360-degree IMAX movie of Jade Jagger lets her glam life rub off on little ol’ you Congratulations: You now live in an ashram! Principal Steve Case to host wheatgrass mixer By night, sales office becomes … the Beaver Bar. Cocktails: $8. Libido: bottomless
Brand signature The tallest residential buiding on the planet–until it was trumped by the 21st Century Tower in Dubai Meier’s famous glass “curtain walls” Armani ad nauseum, down to a replica of the Milan catwalk in sales office Rooftop soaking tubs with city views Spa has 12 flavors of massage, yoga, even nose-hair trimming services A glass-bottomed Jacuzzi over entrance, for easy “talent check” on homecoming
Superfluous amenity “[Yankee players] can just drive immediately up to Yankee Stadium directly, so they don’t have to go through the traffic.” –the Donald Precious few for the money. A later Meier tower on Charles Street was chock-a-block with ’em–and blocked the Perry Street views. Virtual Golf range; free breakfast for folks on floors 25 and above Sales brochure contains recipes, such as “South American Fishcakes for Friends,” presumably from the dubiously domestic Jade herself. 25-foot “Quantum Leap” pole, for practicing “living in the moment” Gymnastic rings and a trapeze, for perfecting circus skills
Over-the-top service Kobe beef chateaubriand (Trumps’s fave) from the ground-floor restaurant, Megu Midtown, which clocks in at $180 N/A: See above. A concierge service that can rustle you up a pair of albino peacocks Lapis Lounge: the Bungalow 8 on the roof Six-week condo-sponsored sex series will “take your relationship to the next level.” 30-person “disco convertible” screening room with lavender “cinema beds”
Price range $952.5K to over $13.5M for penthouse $2M for the cheapo lower floors; $15M for Bill Joy’s three-story self-tribute $770K to $4.5M for penthouse $550K to $4M for penthouse $650K to $3.5M $890K, for a one bedroom, to $2.5M, for a penthouse
Who lives there Yankee stars Derek Jeter and Hideki Matsui own; A-Rod rented. Bill Gates reportedly owns one. Calvin Klein, Nicole Kidman, Martha Stewart, and Bill Joy have all called it home. Chef Thomas Keller, of Per Se and French Laundry; radio talk-show host Joy Browne Fashionistas a few shekels short of fabulous; Lucy Liu took a look. Targeted at Andrew Weil groupies and Ayurvedic arrivistes Wall Street horndogs and the people who briefly love them
Kitchen Trumpian glitz: high gloss cabinetry, mirrored backsplashes, but–by 2007 standards–déclassé GE appliances N/A: space delivered raw, the better for buyers like Martha Stewart to customize Stealthy: rift-cut white- oak cabinetry hides Sub-Zero fridge and oven Nominal: kitchen-in-a-box, in British racing green and duck-egg blue, e.g. Ecologically correct: environmentally sustainable, bacteria-resistant countertops Invisible: “attaché kitchen” (an homage to 20 Pine) completely concealed behind white lacquer
Bath Bidets in the bath, Imperador marble in the powder room See above. Superhard Brazilian ipe wood; Waterworks fixtures Bath-in-a-box, in same cheery tones Crema d’orcia bamboo-textured limestone tiles Louvered walls open to bedroom, perfect for postcoital peeping
Ugly underside A board member who allegedly summoned a handyman and then “paraded around fully naked.” Also, rumors of denizens with “troubling criminal pasts.” Disastrous, floor-destroying leaks; heating problems; lengthy construction delays; random snipers; tenant feuds Two blocks from ground zero One elevator for 56 units–including the penthouse Top floors overlook: (a) condos incinerated by Yankee pitcher Cory Lidle’s plane; (b) giant ConEd smokestack See “brand signature.”
Brand guru The Donald Starchitect Richard Meier Fashion designer Giorgio Armani Mick’s kid, Jade Jagger Mindfulness guru Andrew Weil Nightclub impresario André Balazs
Existential caveat In 1999, Walter Cronkite led opposition to the building based on the “unnecessary grossness of this project.” And that’s the way it is. People who live in glass houses can still get stuck with a view of New Jersey. However slick, your casa will be ringside for ground-zero construction. Jade is happy to share her “lifestyle” with you, but she has enough friends. You can have too much of a good thing–dermabrasion, for one. Even a Kohler showerhead can’t wash off a stain on your soul.

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