What: A new method for Trump officials to not get hassled in restaurants.
Who: Stephen Colbert and the Late Show staff.
Why we care: Several members of the Trump White House have had a hard time enjoying a meal in public this past week. Ever since the Baby Jail Fiasco kicked into hyperdrive recently, people in restaurants have become a lot less accommodating of those who architected Trump’s zero-tolerance policy (Stephen Miller) and those who have lied on its behalf (DHS Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen, Sarah Huckabee Sanders.) The first two were driven out of Mexican restaurants (really, you had to eat south-of-the-border cuisine right now?) by protesting citizens, while Sanders simply was refused service at The Red Hen in Virginia. Now that three separate instances make this trend official, conservative media is steaming mad about the lack of civility on the left. Fossilized chum bucket Rush Limbaugh even cited the incidents as the beginning of a new Civil War. Yes, Donald Trump himself rose to political prominence with a racist conspiracy theory about the first black president, and yes, the reason for these acts of civil disobedience is literal baby concentration camps, but when Stephen Miller is denied guacamole one time can we even call ourselves a society anymore?
As the threat of John Kelly possibly not eating a Honduran sample platter looms large, Stephen Colbert is doing the hard work of finding potential solutions. On Monday evening, the late-night host debuted a radical new one on his show. “Au Bon Van” is the new way for Trump officials to eat out in peace. They won’t ever be denied service, and if any protesters give them any guff, the driver can flee the scene. Problem solved, civility crisis over. Now, these fine people can get back to figuring out how to make people in Idaho suburbs fear for their lives over MS-13 once more.