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Applebee’s is about to sell the cheapest holiday hangover from hell

Applebee’s is about to sell the cheapest holiday hangover from hell
[Photo: courtesy of Applebee’s]

It’s almost the holidays and I know what you’re thinking: “How can I destroy both my body and dignity?” Well look no further than Applebee’s, which has a new December promotion that will absolutely lead to no fewer than 10,000 people puking somewhere they shouldn’t. All month long, the chain restaurant will sell $1 Long Island iced teas. Or, as Applebee’s is calling these monstrosities, “The Dollar L.I.T.™.”

Why, you may ask, is Applebee’s doing this? For the last few years, sales have been down for the canonical bar and grill–part of a general downward trend for casual dining chains like T.G.I. Friday’s and the like. This year, Applebee’s has been trying out new promotions to bring in more people. For example, it decided to install wood-fired grills as a way to drum up more interest. And surely these Long Island iced teas–along with its $1 margarita deal last month–are another way Applebee’s hopes to entice new customers.

To be completely honest with you, I’m both scared and intrigued by this deal. I could tell you that I would never in a million years try these “L.I.T.™s,” but that would be a lie. It’s a horrible decision that will be difficult to pass up.

And if you’re going home for the holidays, I suppose one way to avoid the dread and ennui is by drinking yourself under the table at Applebee’s.

I guess this is what life in 2017 has become. Good luck.CGW