Thanks to the internet, we live in a world where Outback Steakhouse has to make an official statement denying the fact that they are a front for a cult. On July 27, Twitter user @eatmyaesthetics sent out a graphic display of Outback Steakhouse’s, um, satanic real estate layout, noting that, in several cities when the company’s outposts were mapped out, they fell into pentagram formations. It’s basically the plot of Ghostbusters 2 but with bloomin’ onions.
Wtf is Outback Steakhouse planning pic.twitter.com/l1CSafkdOK
— balenci-who? aga ☭ (@eatmyaesthetics) July 27, 2017
While the entire premise was patently ridiculous, we’ve all seen enough movies to know that’s what they want us to believe. Soon Twitter was running wild with the idea and other users were mapping Outback Steakhouse locations around the country.
The Bay Area has the Outback Steakhouse curse pic.twitter.com/ZajxCpagr7
— HO-CHUNK & PROUD (@m0rphinedrip) July 28, 2017
Outback Steakhouse is about to make a philosopher stone pic.twitter.com/mjO6BGJ48w
— MDT (@MongoDaveT) July 28, 2017
Soon enough, the idea that Outback Steakhouse was the front for some sort of satanic cult that was attempting to make “a philosopher stone” or reincarnate Zuul was going viral. The press had no choice but to contact Outback Steakhouse for an official statement. The company told the Daily Dot that it had “no plans” to bring about the end of the world or summon an ancient Babylonian god. It only had plans to “bring bold steaks and Bloomin’ Onions to our guests!” It was also finally able to fire off a corporate-approved tweet that suggested the stores were actually laid out in the form of one of their giant fried onions, noting that, “If the Bloomin’ Onion is evil then we don’t want to be nice.”
Plot twist. pic.twitter.com/t2VEpCrWY2
— Outback Steakhouse (@Outback) July 28, 2017
While the company’s stock has rallied after the cult allegations (probably) caused a dip in shares, not everyone was convinced by the chain’s denial.
That's exactly what an establishment controlled by a satanic cult would say https://t.co/R0auVmSgym
— October 5th (@BuraGOATsky65) August 1, 2017
You win this round, Twitter.