Memo to foreign leaders: Here’s how to win over (and influence) President Trump

Dear President (or Prime Minister or King) _____________,

As you get ready to welcome President Trump to your fine country, you must be wondering how to talk to him without upsetting him and being punished with an angry tweet. Here are some valuable tips that our friends at the New York Times put together. And I’ve put them in order, so that the conversation goes as smoothly as you’d like in order to get Trump to approve that new arms deal or help tweak a regulation that hurts one of your companies or anything else you need from him. (And keep it to 10 minutes max, otherwise he’ll lose interest):

1) “Compliment him on the size of his Electoral College victory.”

2) “Contrast him favorably with” President Obama.”

3) Bring up some specific deal that’s important to you and that you can spin as advantageous to him.

4) Whatever you do, DON’T talk about the history of your own country, delve into complicated foreign policy matters, or remind him of comments he made on the campaign trail.

5) Extra tip: Don’t serve him any of your local cuisine, no matter how delicious. He likes his steak well-done, with ketchup on the side.