Teen Vogue just got its very own Bizarro world iteration, even though the bulk of its readers are too young to know what that even refers to. Focus on the Family, the anti-gay-rights evangelical Christian organization and creative geniuses behind Captain Absolutely (the superhero with the unique power of making kids want to read literally anything else), has just re-launched Brio, the glossy mag for teens who want to fight acne, hair frizz, and the devil himself.
Teen Vogue has been leading the resistance lately and woke adults aren’t the only ones to take notice of their accusations that Donald Trump is gas lighting the nation. Conservatives have been paying attention, too, and decided that their best weapon in the battle for the politics and souls of young people is Brio, which they had shut down back in 2009, the New York Times reports. The first issue is out now and features 19-year-old Duck Dynasty daughter Sadie Robertson on the cover along with pressing questions like, “Bruno Mars: Worth a Listen?” (Spoiler alert: “His view of women is anything but honorable, pure, lovely or commendable.”) Alongside manicures, prom dresses, prayer tips, and carefully curated cultural stories, the magazine will mostly avoid politics but promote a “biblical” worldview, including (if I remember correctly from past readings) opposition to everything from two-piece swimsuits to the very existence of the LGBT community to abortion and premarital sex, but some really great hair tips.