If you put an infinite number of monkeys in front of an infinite number of typewriters, as the saying goes, eventually one of them will produce the idea to make “The Eye of the Cheetah,” an 18k yellow gold ring and earring set with luxurious a orange sapphires set into pieces crafted to look like the fur of Chester, Cheetos’ hard-snacking feline mascot, encrusted with 190 black and white diamonds to bring the cheetah-ness of the endeavor home. In a world where the unforbidden is compulsory, welcome the Chestora Collection.
There is only one Eye of the Cheetah set, but CheetosShop.com launched this week with an absurd–and we do mean “absurd”–array of mid-to-high-end consumer products with a Cheetos theme. Do you like Cheetos? Would you like to demonstrate your enthusiasm for the snack product with Cheeteau Perfume? Perhaps you’d like to look more presidential by applying some Colour De Cheetos Bronzer? Going to court and want to impress the judge with Chester Cheetah’s Cheesy Cuffs cufflinks? Going to a fabulous European beach and want everyone to know your favorite orange-dusted treat by showing off Chester Cheetah’s Bathing Brief? Feel the inexplicable urge to clean yourself after visiting the toilet with something Cheetos-branded? There is literally a product called “Toilet Paw-per” on the site.
All of those products are real, and if you have a disposable income that allows you to devote a silly amount of money toward kitschy products, you can purchase them so your friends can say things like, “Huh, you really like Cheetos, I guess” when you show them off. Minus the $20,000 Eye of the Cheetah jewelry set, they range in price from $7.99 (for a roll of the toilet paper) to $99 (for the sold-out cheetah paw-shaped lounge chair). Additionally, one can purchase products that feature a less extreme juxtaposition between “Cheetos” and “thing you’d otherwise find at Nordstrom” (or “toilet paper”): there’s a sleeping bag shaped like a Cheetos bag that is cute, if overpriced at fifty bucks, and a Chester Cheetah-themed onesie for those cold winter nights that’ll set you back $39. There were also Cheetos-print leggings, but those sold out immediately, because irony + leggings = Internet gold.
In any case, the Cheetos-themed site includes a wide array of items well-suited to the boardroom or, if you’re anticipating some flamin’ hot nights, to the bedroom. If you’ve long craved a way to make your consumption of the cheesy snack product a bit more conspicuous, that opportunity is finally here.