Welcome to the world of “smart” gadgets, where we stick a chip in something and hook it up to the internet, with security so poor that it would make a 2000s-era PC feel naked. The difference is that, instead of recruiting your PC as part of a marauding hacker botnet, your compromised smart devices can be used to spy on you directly via their cameras and microphones, or switched on and off from afar–as well as being recruited as part of a marauding hacker botnet.
We Put A Chip In It! is a Tumblr dedicated to ridiculing the worst of smart devices. How about Perseus, the smart mirror? Or a smart tooth with a chip embedded inside? How about a water pitcher that orders its own filters, or the Huggies Tweet Pee, a diaper that tweets when its occupant lets one go?
Want more? How about Peggy, a smart clothes peg, which comprises a temperature sensor, a light sensor, a humidity sensor, and Wi-Fi? Line drying your clothes doesn’t seem quite so environmentally friendly now, huh?
Or the Smarttress, with “lover detection system,” a mattress that can tell when your spouse has been stupid enough to cheat in your shared bed. The promo video alone is incredible, and so over-the-top that it makes one think the product could be a spoof.
Wi-Fi bottles abound, for wine and water, with the most worrying being the smart bottle of Johnny Walker Blue. This has sensors that can detect when the bottle is opened, and can share this information with its manufacturer, Diageo. “The tags and the sensors contain information Diageo can use to send personalized communications to consumers via their smartphones,” says WT Vox.
Then there’s Flosstime, the smart floss dispenser, which sticks to the bathroom mirror to remind you to floss–a job it could surely do without the lights and the motorized floss unspooler (which itself will surely never jam).
If you find these products absurd, you should probably subscribe to the We Put A Chip In It! Tumblr, where you can continue to enjoy follies such as the smart trash can, the smart bikini, and perhaps the least useful gadget ever conceived: the smart water fountain . . . for cats.
[All Images: via We put a chip in it!]