If The Earth Is Flat, Where Do The Lizard People Live?

Tell us that, smart guy.

If The Earth Is Flat, Where Do The Lizard People Live?
[Photo: The Come Up Show via Wikimedia Commons]

If a rapper you’ve never heard of believes the Earth is flat, should you care? This quandary has stumped thinkers since the ancient Greek heyday of philosopher/tailors Euripides and Eumenides. But today we will all get a chance to grapple with it, because what Brian Feldman called “The Wokest Conspiracy Theory of 2016” has exploded into the mainstream, propelled by some tweets from a rapper called B.o.B. (pronounced “Bob“). As of this writing, “‘I didn’t wanna believe it either’: Rapper BoB insists the Earth is flat” is the most popular story on the Guardian, who also attempted to satirize the theory but only managed to demonstrate Poe’s Law, and, leaving no stone unturned on this broad, flat plane of free content, have also covered the many utterly predictable and uninteresting feuds and schisms of what I guess we’ll just grit our teeth and call “the Flat-Earther Movement” because what choice do we have really.

Fusion’s Charles Pulliam-Moore went to the completely unnecessary effort of providing some of the many, many arguments against the Earth being flat. And of course, scientainer Neil deGrasse Tyson has never seen an Internet squabble too dumb for him to #actually his way into. B.o.B responded to Tyson with what is clearly intended to be a diss track but mostly just seems like a cry for help. B.o.B., my bro. No one is coming for you.

Meanwhile Leon Chang revealed the truth they really don’t want you to know: the dog is flat. But Darkwing Duck is not coming back, that was a hoax.

The only thing that might redeem all of this nonsense is the excuse it provides for me to draw your attention to Rob Meyer interviewing Charlie Loyd in The Atlantic about Loyd’s new project glittering.blue.

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