T-Mobile is always trying to think of ways to bolster its image as the cool, rebellious, rock-and-roll outsider wireless service provider, and the company’s latest effort is a new drinking game to go with Verizon’s earnings call Thursday.
So, for instance, every time a Verizon executive says “millennial” or “monetize” or “monetize millennials,” you have to drink.
“We’re still forced to listen in to the Duopolist’s boring calls so we needed to find a way to keep it interesting,” a rep for T-Mobile said in an email to Fast Company.
View the game board here: https://newsroom.t-mobile.com/news/verizon-drinking-game.htm
Verizon will announce its quarterly earnings on Thursday, January 21, at 8:30 a.m. Eastern Time (5:30 a.m. Pacific) so no one’s likely to actually play this game, but I suppose it’s the thought that counts.
Maybe T-Mobile’s spicy CEO John Legere will post a YouTube video of himself playing said drinking game with the adult libation of his choice.
Here are the rules of the game, according to T-Mobile:
Take a single drink if…
Millennials! – Take small drinks, they’re averaging four “millennials” per investor call since September.
Jargon – Verizon loves jargon because jargon is confusing and that’s one of the things it does best. Ergo you will hear lots of jargon.
“Our Network is the Best” – Verizon loooves to tout its network but here’s the thing, it’s not 2013 or even 12 months ago. T-Mobile’s caught up.
Take two drinks if…
Monetization – Verizon is a public company. It has a fiduciary duty to shareholders but c’mon do they really need to “monetize” the “millennials” and everything else? Can’t they just sell stuff like normal companies? Again, be careful. Nearly five “monetizes” per investor call since September.
T-Mobile says you have to completely finish your drink if you hear this term:
“Midlife Crisis – all the telltale signs are there: buying new toys (AOL), wearing new clothes (logo), questioning identity (new plans, lashing out at T-Mo) and of course flirting with younger people (millennials, Yahoo).”