…as elegant as it was refined… [featuring] penis-printed tablecloths, penis lollipops, and a cake depicting a naked Bolotow with two Terry Richardson look-alikes emerging from her vagina.
Mazel tov and a hearty to the happy couple!
Still drunk from the margs at Señor Frog’s, Pete Wells stumbled into Thomas Keller’s four star business-jargon-themed restaurant Per Se and, according to witnesses, tore two stars off the wall while yelling, "MORE LIKE 'PER NAY!'" Wells then vomited into a potted plant and staggered out, holding up a photograph of Keller’s famous salmon cornet and muttering something about "fancy-pants California fish dildos."
And finally, in dildo news: Many caring supporters of the Oregon militia have heeded their call for help and sent them dildos to ease the suffering of their heroic gift shop occupation. But militia organizer and that one dude who was way too into knives in Boy Scouts Jon Ritzheimer was still not satisfied, releasing a dramatic Facebook video where he swept all these kind donations onto the floor. The militia leader followed this up with a second video calling on his Mom to "come pick up all this crap on the floor" because he is "really busy with his friends online."