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Watch Top-Tier Venture Capitalists Translate Drake And Bieber Into Startup Speak

“You used to offer me a bridge loan”: Amidst fears of a bubble, First Round Capital’s annual holiday parody video is as goofy as ever

First Round Capital backs some of the hottest up-and-coming startups in America (think Square, Uber, and Warby Parker previously). And in addition to offering all-important venture capital, the firm also gives its startups the chance to participate in its worst best tradition: its year-end holiday video.

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This year’s video dropped this morning, and it’s every bit as bonkers as the ones that have come before it. Without spoiling too much (because you’re going to want to experience this as purely as possible), you can expect a parody mashup of 2015’s biggest pop songs—Mark Ronson’s “Uptown Funk,” The Weeknd’s “Can’t Feel My Face,” and, of course, Drake’s “Hotline Bling” all make appearances—coupled with the usual onslaught of blink-and-you’ll-miss-it tech references.

Meanwhile, in a survey by First Round of more than 500 venture-backed startup founders published earlier this month, the firm reported that nearly every founder was less than optimistic about the prospect of raising more money in the future, and that most founders believe we’re currently in a tech bubble. Until it pops, enjoy the full video—with lyrics!—below.

It’s November 23rd, 2015. We’re going to drive all over the city and crash every startup we possibly can. This is gonna to be awesome.

True grit, not gonna fold

That Pied Piper is pure gold

Another year, we’re still here

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New unicorns, big press releases

Stylin’, thrivin’

Startup life ain’t always pretty

Like Black Swans with blinders on

Can’t innovate by committee

Series Seed (Hot damn)

First line of code and it all began

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Series A (Hot Damn)

make something people love, man

Series B (Hot Damn)

This ain’t a game, got massive TAM

Series C (Hot Damn)

Not a fad, making money, break it down

(We) Hustle

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Scrappy

It all started with our series seed

There’s no fear – just warp speed

Cause in startups there’s no guarantee

Yeah, it’s all about disruption

Not the spotlight

No one ever mentions the sleepless nights

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Need to hire and hurry about it

Need to grow my dev team for sure

Do you know a growth team for hire?

Need to find a dev ops engine-ee-eer, whoa

I need candidates to interview

Fill the funnel, fill the funnel

Oh, I need candidates to interview

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Fill the funnel, fill the funnel

Oh, I need candidates to interview

You used to offer me a bridge loan

Fund me if things get rough

Offer me a bridge loan

Fund me if things get rough

And I know when the markets swing

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We’ll be the one left standing

All we need is First Round to lean on

You take every single piece of the fame if you want to

But you know that we’ve got a clear contrarian point of view

We grow we grow and then we IPO and I speak the truth

Do you really believe “this time it’s different”?

Yeah

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Does your website work in Safari?

Cause Chrome, isn’t used by everybody

Oh, does your website work in Safari?

Yeah I know Fidelity marked you down

And we all know your stock price now

Does your website work in Safari?

Cause Chrome, isn’t used by everybody

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Oh, does your website work in Safari?

All around our team grows

And we don’t expect it to plateau

Focus, change has come

We’ve got First Round to lean on

Focus, change has come

We’ve got First Round to lean on

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Hey, you’re the one I want to fund me

And if you want, I’ll sign your term sheet

There’s nothing I, no I wouldn’t do, I wouldn’t do

Just to get to work with you

All we need is First Round to lean on

Yeah, I know Fidelity marked you down

And we all know your stock price now

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I need candidates to interview

Don’t believe me just watch

Don’t believe me just watch

There’s nothing I, no, I wouldn’t do, I wouldn’t do

Just to get to work with you

Ooh watch me, watch me

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