Watch Top-Tier Venture Capitalists Translate Drake And Bieber Into Startup Speak
“You used to offer me a bridge loan”: Amidst fears of a bubble, First Round Capital’s annual holiday parody video is as goofy as ever
First Round Capital backs some of the hottest up-and-coming startups in America (think Square, Uber, and Warby Parker previously). And in addition to offering all-important venture capital, the firm also gives its startups the chance to participate in its worst best tradition: its year-end holiday video.
This year’s video dropped this morning, and it’s every bit as bonkers as the ones that have come before it. Without spoiling too much (because you’re going to want to experience this as purely as possible), you can expect a parody mashup of 2015’s biggest pop songs—Mark Ronson’s “Uptown Funk,” The Weeknd’s “Can’t Feel My Face,” and, of course, Drake’s “Hotline Bling” all make appearances—coupled with the usual onslaught of blink-and-you’ll-miss-it tech references.
Meanwhile, in a survey by First Round of more than 500 venture-backed startup founders published earlier this month, the firm reported that nearly every founder was less than optimistic about the prospect of raising more money in the future, and that most founders believe we’re currently in a tech bubble. Until it pops, enjoy the full video—with lyrics!—below.
It’s November 23rd, 2015. We’re going to drive all over the city and crash every startup we possibly can. This is gonna to be awesome.
True grit, not gonna fold
That Pied Piper is pure gold
Another year, we’re still here
New unicorns, big press releases
Stylin’, thrivin’
Startup life ain’t always pretty
Like Black Swans with blinders on
Can’t innovate by committee
Series Seed (Hot damn)
First line of code and it all began
Series A (Hot Damn)
make something people love, man
Series B (Hot Damn)
This ain’t a game, got massive TAM
Series C (Hot Damn)
Not a fad, making money, break it down
(We) Hustle
Scrappy
It all started with our series seed
There’s no fear – just warp speed
Cause in startups there’s no guarantee
Yeah, it’s all about disruption
Not the spotlight
No one ever mentions the sleepless nights
Need to hire and hurry about it
Need to grow my dev team for sure
Do you know a growth team for hire?
Need to find a dev ops engine-ee-eer, whoa
I need candidates to interview
Fill the funnel, fill the funnel
Oh, I need candidates to interview
Fill the funnel, fill the funnel
Oh, I need candidates to interview
You used to offer me a bridge loan
Fund me if things get rough
Offer me a bridge loan
Fund me if things get rough
And I know when the markets swing
We’ll be the one left standing
All we need is First Round to lean on
You take every single piece of the fame if you want to
But you know that we’ve got a clear contrarian point of view
We grow we grow and then we IPO and I speak the truth
Do you really believe “this time it’s different”?
Yeah
Does your website work in Safari?
Cause Chrome, isn’t used by everybody
Oh, does your website work in Safari?
Yeah I know Fidelity marked you down
And we all know your stock price now
Does your website work in Safari?
Cause Chrome, isn’t used by everybody
Oh, does your website work in Safari?
All around our team grows
And we don’t expect it to plateau
Focus, change has come
We’ve got First Round to lean on
Focus, change has come
We’ve got First Round to lean on
Hey, you’re the one I want to fund me
And if you want, I’ll sign your term sheet
There’s nothing I, no I wouldn’t do, I wouldn’t do
Just to get to work with you
All we need is First Round to lean on
Yeah, I know Fidelity marked you down
And we all know your stock price now
I need candidates to interview
Don’t believe me just watch
Don’t believe me just watch
There’s nothing I, no, I wouldn’t do, I wouldn’t do
Just to get to work with you
Ooh watch me, watch me
