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Today in Tabs: Reader’s Choice

You decide, we report.

Farhad, Donald Trump, and Hillary Clinton must be disappointed that Bill Gates won’t shut down the internet for them, although Gates might be skeptical about John Perry Barlow’s claim that “our identities have no bodies” after all his work on malaria and polio. On the bright side, Bloomberg reported that Axel Springer might paywall Business Insider! That would be some progress, at least.

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I was really sleepy last night, as I imagine you were too after that soporific slug of Bitcoin yesterday, so I made a poorly-worded request on Twitter for people to feed me tabs for today, because carefully channeled laziness is kind of my “thing.” So welcome to Reader’s Choice Tabs! This is probably an awful idea!

Kathryn Yu wanted to know if the Wu-Tang “heist clause” was real. Best I can tell, it started with this tweet:

Who doesn’t want to imagine Wu-Tang and Bill Murray heisting a $2 million record from that smirking jackass Shkreli? But come on, of course it isn’t real. Everything is a hoax. NME, The Independent, and the suddenly very gullible Gawker Media’s Gizmodo all reported it as if it were, though. Please fund my Kickstarter to buy them phones.

Jasmine Moy asked me to Yes/Yes/No this Choire tweet:1

That is apparently the line to buy this sweatshirt, from NY clothing brand Supreme, which I guess has been dope since 1994, much like me. Complex covered the frenzy for this (to all appearances unremarkable) cotton sweatshirt, even aggregating Choire’s tweet, so I’m gonna call this one explained to the best of my ability, although why that sweatshirt is so amazing will have to remain a mystery.

James Griffiths wanted me to draw your attention to Nieman Lab’s story on Dutch micropayment-based news platform Blendle, which generously permits you to pay “10 and 90 cents apiece” for news articles. And, okay: 1) I am 10% stupider after seeing the word “Blendle,” and 2) Why… would anyone want… to do that? Anyway, “Blendle expects to hire around five people, based in New York, to run the American site,” so keep an eye out for those jobs if you don’t like working at any one place for very long.

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Rachel Pick wants us to know way too much about the canine reproductive system and also shamelessly promote her employer, Motherboard, both of which are goals I fully support. You might think this is a standard casual writearound of a scientific study featuring puppies but suddenly Matt Braga hits you with the “fat pad covering the oviduct” and “acrosome exocytosis,” so stay vigilant.

And Robyn Kanner suggested we take a look at Danielle Tullo in Cosmo, espousing the radical view that women could have bodies without feeling bad about them. I don’t know if the world is ready. You may also want to hear what Camille Paglia thinks about Taylor Swift and the #GirlSquad. Or you very well may not! She does manage to cite “the natural solidarity and companionship [women] enjoyed for thousands of years in the preindustrial agrarian world,” and excoriate Swift’s “obnoxious Nazi Barbie routine of wheeling out friends and celebrities as performance props,” compared to men’s “results-oriented teamwork.” So… good luck with that! I’m going to just go stand behind this blast shield and let Intern Emeritus Karen K. Ho tell you about Canada’s extremely sexy new political controversy.

TODAY’S GUEST TAB, by KAREN K. HO

Canada’s uncomfortably hot new Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, was recently profiled in Vogue with his wife, Sophie Gregoire-Trudeau, setting off a storm of confusion, mockery, and disdain from Canadian media, who couldn’t imagine why the country’s top politician would invest time and energy in an enormously popular foreign publication. This, of course, was all the day after a profile of The Notorious P.M.J.T. appeared in the New York Times Magazine.

One of the most perplexing reactions came from Ottawa Citizen national affairs reporter Glen McGregor, who insinuated that Sophie’s concern about eating disorders meant she should not appear in the magazine and also declared the couple should not pose for Vogue in fancy expensive clothes.


Mercy!

Aside from the fact that pretty much ​any​ major profile of Canada’s First Couple would have required posing for a professionally-styled photograph, the Oscar de la Renta dress was very likely loaned. It’s also just barely possible that the Prime Minister, his wife and their large official team deliberated very carefully over the decision. Being profiled for Vogue is not like going for ice cream or suddenly declaring you’re going to ban all Muslims from your country.

Still, compared to the never-ending dumpster fire that is Donald Trump, it is reassuring to see two of the largest concerns about Canada’s new government are too much objectifying foreign media coverage, and how the country will successfully bring in 25,000 Syrian refugees by the end of February.

Thanks for the update from the sane world, Karen! Can’t wait to move to Canada next November. Let’s keep this lazy train rolling and hand it over to Intern José.

TODAY’S INTERN TAB, by JOSÉ DÍAZ ROHENA

Paris Hilton isn’t dumb. She acted dumb to sell us stuff because we are the ones who are dumb. This Broadly profile is kind of strange. For example: “She has also funded a chicken program…”, “Today, many homosexuals celebrate Paris as a radical trailblazer…”, and the closing “Buy Paris Hilton’s newest fragrance…” (is this sponcon?). But it makes an interesting case for re-evaluating Hilton’s legacy. Not least because it was way more fashionable to slut-shame and generally mock female celebrities for their manner of speech/existence in the early-to-mid ‘00s than it is now. If I remember correctly, that was also when we were still embracing the Rob Gordon model of masculinity that Hanif Abdurraqib rips in his confessional essay for Matter. This an essential read for men who want to learn how not to be assholes. But if you think there isn’t a problem with men, there’s a place for you too.

Karl Blau, is a very talented and #based Northwest musician. His studio burned down the night before last, so after you check your fire alarms, fire extinguishers, and commercial insurance policies, consider helping him get back on his feet? If you have any money left over, maybe buy this keyboard someone circuit bent into an e-stim device. Did any of that make sense?2 This is what e-stim feels like. Here is a 3-d printed e-stim electrode. And here, an interview with the “father of circuit bending:”

The IKEA monkey, three years later. President Obama is getting into the best of 2015 game. And for the record, Rusty, I also feel like an old who’s never heard music when I link to GvB.

Circuit bent! E-stim! I’m learning so much!

That’s it, Thursday is Tabs Friday for me, but tomorrow we all have Kyle Chayka’s Friday Arts Tabs to look forward to! So that’s exciting. Subscribe if you haven’t already, trust me, you will hardly regret it at all.

Sarah Koenig Siren: Serial Season Two is here!

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Today’s Song: Kendrick Lamar, “How Much a Dollar Cost” via Intern José.

~Everyone said she was beautiful even without her tabs, everyone said she was dangerous~

Today in Tabs is trying to find out exactly how long we can run without driving away enormous numbers of you. Please stay tuned. Thanks as always to Fast Company for our home on the world wide web and their indefatigable editing and moral support.


  1. And how many of you did I lose with that sentence? ↩

  2. Noooooooooope! –RF ↩

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