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Today in Tabs: Tab By Numbers

Do you know why they call me The Count? It’s because I’m Carpathian Royalty. Also I love math.

Today in Tabs: Tab By Numbers
[Source photo: Flickr user James Cridland]

Apparently structure is the only thing that can keep me from writing a lazy 1,200 words every day this week, so here is a numbered list:

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6: Things Mark Zuckerberg should do with his $45 billion, according to Sarah Jeong.

4: Good explanations of what’s up with the Bourne Zuckerberg Initiative’s LLC structure.

2015: The year The Washington Post’s feel-good “Inspired Life” column had to find a mass shooting angle.

1.05: Mass shootings per day in America as of day 336 this year.

1,900,000+: Gun purchase background checks were performed in October, 2015. The Intercept’s Lee Fang collected quotes from a bunch of gun sellers cheering the profitability of mass shootings.

400: Days between the murder of Laquan McDonald and the court-ordered release of the video proving that police lied about it. Also the number of times Chicago police have shot civilians since 2007, according to this excruciating account of Politico’s Mike Allen sucking up to Chicago mayor and zombie with no conscience Rahm Emanuel.

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0: How many shootings “thoughts and prayers” have ever prevented. Also the number of valid points expressed in this profoundly misguided Atlantic article that confuses prayer with pious platitudes intended to publicly conceal complicity.

1: Excerpt that should be enough to convince you to read all of Eula Biss’s exceptional NYT Magazine essay on white debt and white guilt:

“The Condition of Black Life is One of Mourning” is the title of an essay Claudia Rankine wrote for The New York Times Magazine after the Charleston church massacre. Sitting with her essay in front of me, I asked myself what the condition of white life might be. I wrote “complacence” on a blank page. Hearing the term “white supremacist” in the wake of that shooting had given me another occasion to wonder whether white supremacists are any more dangerous than regular white people, who tend to enjoy supremacy without believing in it.

∞: Number of years Transhumanist presidential candidate Zoltan Istvan wants to live, according to the epic Verge profile Elmo Keep was born to write. Bonus: type “zoltan” on the landing page.

100%: How much longer it takes men to pee at a urinal when there’s another man next to them, according to Choire’s disarming (and disrobing) investigation of modern gym locker rooms.

33: The number of minutes Intern José was late with his tabs today.

TODAY’S INTERN TAB, by JOSÉ DÍAZ ROHENA

Kelton Sears is absolutely crushing Northwest Regional Music Journalism, this time in his interview with Odesza, who are apparently from Bellingham (north of Seattle or, where Death Cab for Cutie is from). It’s a great story that’s a combination chronicle of emerging stardom in the era of streaming, gentle (space-) needling at Seattle DIY-ers for our fear of pop, and lesson in giving the people what they want.

Though it was recently shut down for copyright violations, Majestic Casual is back on YouTube, so you can once again listen to post-chillwave/house/anti-EDM and enjoy photos of kinda-naked women without opening two tabs, if that’s your thing.

“I’ve always said we’re from the Internet”

Robert Palmer’s “Addicted To Love” hit number 1 the week of May 3, 1986 and AV Club said some cool things about it, like how Chaka Khan was supposed to be on the track but her manager wasn’t into it (maybe that version will come out some day). It also explains how Palmer’s band of crack musicians came to be replaced by lissome 80’s model women, as if that needed explaining.

11 ways Adele is Smashing the Patriarchy (Number 9 Nailed My Brain)

Chad won’t shut up about Grimes being a gorgon or something. He’s not the only writer this month claiming that so-and-so destroys the male gaze. Speaking of things meant to be broken, Mexico City just broke the Guinness World Record for most people dressed as The Beatles. We’re living in the future as defined by 4 fab white bros playing repurposed blues and soul. And as of today that future turns 50.

“Tab unto me and I will give you rest”

Jia Tolentino just rated Pope Francis’s pop record “Wake Up!” a “3:16” (on what looks like the Eucharist) in Pitchfork. I was blown away by his CMJ set (opening for Alabama Shakes), but I gotta say that “Wake Up!” is more of a Let Down.

I can’t believe the Pope couldn’t get any Kendrick features. Even Taylor Swift managed that1.

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Today’s Song: Robert Palmer, “Addicted to Love

~Your heart sweats, your body shakes, another tab is all it takes~

I’m trying something new this month and having guest tabbers come in and do a topical issue on Fridays, so get excited now because tomorrow Sarah Jeong will be here with Law Tabs! It’ll be like 2 1/2 Useful Articles. And I’ll see you next week, 4.22 mass shootings from now, on Fast Company and in your email.


  1. Does “Christ, I forgot how awful that “Bad Blood” video was” count as prayer? ↩

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